Yogi One Can I Be

Mysore Talk

2007-05-31T22:02:00.000-04:00

Mysore's surrounded by forests in every direction except the one that takes you to Bangalore. That's what my team lead told me - I have him here for a couple of months to work with us as I ramp up a project. He was born in Bangalore but grew up in Mysore; went to the University of Mysore. He knows exactly where Gokulam is: 'Eight kilometres from the Hotel Metropole Uncle-ji' he tells my Dad, before adding for further detail 'on the road to Coorg'.

I invited him home to spend last weekend with us so that he could enjoy a home cooked meal, and watch a bit of Zee...and escape for a day or so the loneliness of his Hotel Apartment (even Queen West and Simcoe gets boring after a while...especially for this quiet lad who's not one for going on benders). He evidently loves the countryside though, and he was taken with the lushness of our Niagara Escarpment. He said it reminded him of the Western Ghats.

Most of all he loved playing with Diya which took him back to his own little girl back in Bangalore. Or at least he tried to play with her...he's tall, thin, mustachioed, and bespectacled and she was quite scared of him...and only really got used to him just before it was time for me to drive him back downtown.

He lives in Bangalore now - one of our firm's five 'centres' in the country. But he's got his heart set on going back to Mysore...and he's lucky...our company's Mysore campus will be ready in 2008 and a transfer is his if he wants it. He's building a house there on fair sized plot that cost him what a half-decent bicycle would cost here; 'But that was three years ago Ash', he tells me before gushing...'now it's worth four times as much!' Evidently the corporates are tiring of swollen Bangalore and beginning to decamp for Mysore...wonder what that spells for the place.

Like Sharath he spends a lot of time in those forests and he regaled me all weekend with stories: being chased by frenzied elephants in the night; or spending evenings in shelters that were built by rangers who once scoured the forests for the dreaded, but now dead, dacoit (bandit) Veerapan. His talk of Gokulam, Tigers, Bandits, Forests and 'the road to Coorg' made me want to go. The coffee is fantastic in Coorg.

My manager is now contemplating sending me to India for a two year stint. It came up in conversation and I said 'I'd go' (rather blithely when I think of it now). I even added that I wouldn't even have to consider it if I got to live in Mysore...I'd be on the next flight. And now she might hold me to it. Quite apart from the 'details' (wife, kids, and the house - on the lush Niagara Escarpment - that we all adore), I'm really taken with the notion. Can you imagine that? Seriously, that is having your nanaimo bar and eating it. imagine keeping your Canadian job and studying Yoga in Mysore for two years...simultaneously. Stuff of dreams innit. Two years at AYRI. Crap...that's a lot of wonga. I wonder if they have an annual membership.

I suppose I better run this idea by the wife though.

10 Rolfing sessions later...

2007-05-20T12:23:00.000-04:00

I had heard some good things about rolfing - particularly as a means to enhance the physical practice. So I gave it a go and went through the standard 10 sessions over the winter. So how do I feel? Any dramatic changes? I have no counter-factual so I can't say whether my asanas have benefited. I've progressed in my poses over the past six months, no doubt,...but whether that's down to the rolfing I can't say.

It has had an impact off the mat though. I have greater length - I look longer and leaner in the mirror. Also I feel that I've gained an inch or so of height next to colleagues and acquaintances - It's maybe not so much that I've actually added height...but more a matter of standing straighter and therefore getting my full height. In the past, I'd occasionally become conscious of my slouching stance and would force my head up...but it felt unnatural. Now standing tall actually feels right and natural. I also walk differently - my feet land evenly now whereas before I rather walked on the outside edges of my feet. My wife swears that I have a far more graceful gait...apparently I had a something like a bow-legged bounce before. The genuine proof of the change in my walking pattern are a pair of shoes I bought last October - they're not wearing per the old pattern that's evident on all my old shoes - i.e. outside edges of my heals and soles. And now I'm very conscious of the outward slant that those old shoes are putting on my feet when I have them on (so I guess I better start replacing them).

I have a greater awareness of my body - that's really what my sessions have given me. I realize for example that the chronic tightness in my hamstrings is down to the fact that, probably all my adult life, I have been leaning forward when on my feet, with the weight of my body on the front half of my feet. Try it yourself. Stand up with your weight evenly distributed on your feet. Hold your hamstrings...and now lean forward...can you feel them tighten? Well that's what my issue has been. My hamstrings have been more or less constantly engaged.

So with those kind of benefits I suppose my asanas have improved subtly...but without any massive breakthroughs (which I suppose would have been unrealistic and unfair to expect).

Speaking of asanas, the past three weeks or so have seen me on the mat on 4-5 times a week...the mad hours have dissipated and it's good to be back to what again resembles a daily practice.

Return of the Blogging Dead

2007-05-01T21:40:00.001-04:00

Blogging fell off the agenda when work went into overdrive - 105% billable utilization and 3 hours of commuting. Today I'm feeling demoralized, tired and frustrated...but it's an off day. I'm generally pleased with the way things are panning out with my career and on the whole...on most days....and during the better part of any given day...I'm having fun. I've been asked to prove myself in the most challenging circumstances - and the rewards, admittedly, have been commensurate.

I made an implicit choice regarding my career. I knew and accepted the consequences. Less balance. Less time even for Yogasanas (between billable hours and periodic flu I've probably averaged only three practices a week). If I want to practice, it has to be at 4:00 am...and sometimes it's tough getting up at four. One crazy night I had conference calls at 10:30 - 12:30 am and then the next morning at 5:00 am. That's globalisation for you.

But do you sometimes get the feeling that whatever you try to do, life's got certain stuff in mind for you and there's nothing you can do change it? Here's irony for you...by moving up a gear, I was letting go of any chance of taking a 3-month sabbatical for Yoga - that just doesn't happen for 30-somethings on the career track I've put myself on. But there's the rub...my mad job that supposedly leaves me short of time for yogasanas is taking me to Bangalore in October...a cab ride from Mysore. Go figure. I'm getting my shots and I'm going to Mother India...business class.

Transformations

2006-11-19T17:55:00.000-05:00

All changes right now. The wedding I wrote about last time left me weary for two weeks as I slowly detoxed. It provided a reminder on the impact my diet has on my happiness, productivity, vitality and general well-being. I felt sluggish, slow and ill two weeks. I've since returned to my usual diet and the change in how I feel is dramatic. Why should I be so surprised?

The asanas are still good and regular. I lost Mari D after the wedding though...but I'm getting it back - binding the first side for the last week or so. It's all 4:30 am practices right now. That is the latest I can get up and still make the office in time (8:15 am) for my call with Bangalore (or Bengaluru as it's now called). My new train commute gives me tons of time to read for the first time in years...and to communicate with my wife. We've probably spoken more about non-essential stuff (you know...actually talking about things other than the kids, mortgage etc) in the past two weeks than in the preceding six months.

People ask me whether I miss working from home. I don't. I've had to give up some things. But I've gotten some nice things in exchange. That's an attitude more than anything. And I think it's one that Yoga is responsible for awakening. Besides, I think I'll still be able to manage a few days a month from home once I'm settled on the engagement.

Hey! I've also been to a couple of rolfing sessions since I last wrote. All I can say about the first session is that it was 'pleasant'. I enjoyed it - is about as much I can offer. I felt the alphawaves waft over me as I drifted in and out of a semi-conscious state. Perhaps the changes being effected were too subtle for me to understand, notice and realise. It was after all the first session of what is usually ten. I had the second on Friday night - the focus of which were my feet - and the outcome of which seems a minor miracle; for as long as I can remember, I've had very high arches and tended to rotate my legs outwards, walking on the outer edges of my feet. I've sprained my feet numerous time because of the tendancy to land on the outer edge - once really badly coming down from a volleyball spike.

Since Friday though, I've been walking straight. I don't rotate outwards. As I stand, I feel my weight evenly balanced on my soles. When we were done the session, the rolfer asked me to walk 10 or 12 yards up and down in front of her. I noticed the difference immediately and just looked at her shaking my head and laughing. It was when I got into the car to come home though that I really noticed the difference. My feet sat squarely on the pedals, instead of half-slipped off their edges - now that really felt different.

Needless to say, I'm going back for more. What other myofascial tendancies do I have locked up inside me that keep my bones from sitting properly and what stress, tension and emotional logjams are being created as a result? What other spaces are there waiting to be opened? What's it going to do to my asanas?

Transformations

2006-11-19T16:20:00.000-05:00

All changes right now. The wedding I wrote about last time left me weary for two weeks as I slowly detoxed. It provided an reminder on the impact my diet has on my happiness, productivity, vitality and general well-being. I felt sluggish, slow and ill two weeks. I've since returned to my usual diet and the change in how I feel is dramatic. Why should I be so surprised?

The asanas are still good and regular. I lost Mari D after the wedding though...but I'm getting it back - binding the first side for the last week or so. It's all 4:30 am practices right now. That is the latest I can get up and still make the office in time (8:15 am) for my call with Bangalore (or Bengaluru as it's now called). My new train commute gives me tons of time to read for the first time in years...and to communicate with my wife. We've probably spoken more about non-essential stuff (you know...actually talking about things other than the kids, mortgage etc) in the past two weeks than in the preceding six months.

People ask me whether I miss working from home. I don't. I've had to give up some things. But I've gotten some nice things in exchange. That's an attitude more than anything. And I think it's one that Yoga is responsible for awakening. Besides, I think I'll still be able to manage a few days a month from home once I'm settled on the engagement.

Hey! I've also been to a couple of rolfing sessions since I last wrote. All I can say about the first session is that it was 'pleasant'. I enjoyed it - that's about as much as I can offer; I felt the alphawaves waft over me as I drifted in and out of a semi-conscious state. It felt good and 90 minutes seems more like nine. Perhaps the changes being effected were too subtle for me to understand, notice and realise. It was after all the first session of what is usually ten. The second session, which I had on Friday night, was very different. The focus were my feet - and the outcome seems a minor miracle; for as long as I can remember, I've had high arches and tended to rotate my legs outwards, walking on the outer edges of my feet. I've sprained my feet numerous time because of the tendancy to land on the outer edge - once really badly coming down from a volleyball spike.

Since Friday though, I've been walking straight. I don't rotate outwards. As I stand, I feel my weight evenly balanced on the soles. When we were done the session, the rolfer asked me to walk 10 or 12 yards up and down in front of her. I noticed the difference immediately and just looked at her shaking my head and laughing. It was when I got into the car to come home though that I really noticed the difference. My feet sat squarely on the pedals, instead of half-slipped off their edges - now that really felt different.

Needless to say, I'm going back for more. What other myofascial tendancies do I have locked up inside me that keep my bones from sitting properly and what stress, tension and emotional logjams are being created as a result? What other spaces are there waiting to be opened? What's it going to do to my asanas?

In the Land of Macaca

2006-11-05T00:37:00.000-05:00

On a stag night the Wednesday before last for my cousin in Atlantic City, I got carded as I was being herded into a dubious establishment called Bare Exposure. (I mean...really...what other kind of exposure is there other than the bare kind?) The bouncer looked at my Ontario driver's license, laughed and shook his head. "Ha Ha...you're from Canada? Man, you got real superstars up there. you gonna to be disappointed in here" Like I'd know. I've only been to a strip club once before...in London while at Western when I was still an impressionable 18, my roommate dragged me to the Forum (he knew the doorman). Our bouncer friend was right...decadent, infamous Atlantic City paled in comparison to the sleepy Southwestern Ontario University town. How strange. Regardless, my yogic sensibilities were offended by the display, tame as it was, and I protested with a sit-in. I wasn't going to move...except for the occasional cigarette with the lads in the frigid seaside air....and those horrid, wretched Jäger Bombs.

In every sense it was a calamitous 5 days for my practice. This was an Indian Wedding, and while there was plenty of sanskrit and oms all over the place, the Yoga was scarce.

Tuesday: Drive overnight to Atlantic City from Toronto
Wednesday: Obligatory visit to the Outlet strip and then...see above
Thursday: The Vidhi. Large wedding party leaves in a convoy for Fairfax (we all started calling each other Macaca for amusement). Bride's family registers us into the Best Western. More drinking and eating at the reception they hold for us.
Friday: Wake up! Two triple espressos. Wedding. More drinking and eating. Drive back to Atlantic City straight from Temple. Return to Atlantic City in the cold driving rain. The groom's father (my uncle) has pre-ordered 40 large pizzas from Dominos...generously covered in jalapenos.
Saturday: Jalapenos wreak further havoc on much-abused constitution. Spend the afternoon watching Undercover Brother in our motel room. Wedding Reception. More drinking and eating.
Sunday: Spend the morning recovering. Many pizzas go to a church. Drive back to Toronto in the afternoon. Get stuck in Philadelphia traffic. Cross the border into Canada gratefully at 1:30 am, get home an hour later.

Recovering from the wedding as well as piles of work (and even Halloween) conspired to keep me off the mat until Thursday. Needless to say, I've had better practices. To be honest, I was happy and relieved just to get onto my mat. You know what's really daft? My mat made the journey with me from Toronto to Fairfax and back.

My wife and I weren't on very good terms during the wedding. We've been mending fences since we got back to Toronto. She bought me a present yesterday - Iyengar's Light on Life. I was well-chuffed.

Harry and Eddie

2006-10-24T09:51:00.000-04:00

You lose weight in the most unexpected places. My wedding ring is too loose now and slips around on my finger - I'm fearful I'll lose it (the ring itself I'm not so bothered about as the earful I fear I'd get - come to think of it...actually she probably wouldn't say much. She probably wouldn't say anything...for days. Except with cold hard eyes). One thing that I squarely 'blame' on Yoga is shifting the balance of power towards Her. I was once firmly in control. And now I just can't be arsed. Control is not worth having. In fact, control does not even exist. She seemed too easy going once. Now she seems uptight...but she hasn't changed. I have.

Packing for a trip yesterday, I realised that replacing one's wardrobe is not something you do in July with the expectation that you're all set for October. I tried on my favourite sweaters. I looked silly. Like a girl wearing her boyfriends sweaters (or like a girl wearing her own...in 1986). It's turning into a bonanza for my dad. piles of vintage Eddie Bauer and Harry Rosen size 40 - perfect once for me, still for him.

Things'll be great when I'm Downtown

2006-10-22T14:31:00.000-04:00

I've spent three of the past four years largely working from home. That's about to change as I've been assigned to a client engagement smack downtown starting on 6 November. Right on the Lake at Queen's Quay. Getting downtown Toronto from our place involves a 25-minute drive through the country to the nearest station and then a 55-minute ride on the comfortable and frequently reliable GO Train. I'm looking forward to it for a host of reasons; it shifts my career up a gear and gives me more time with my wife whose office is just 10 minutes away and with whom I'll share the commute in.

Also, being downtown finally offers up the opportunity to practice at a Shala. Apart from a couple of workshops with Lino and Darby, I've only practiced asanas in a shala twice - my very first two Ashtanga practices ever back in the Summer 2003. There are at least four places to practice Ashtanga Vinyasa...and two of those with authorized teachers so I'll relish the opportunity to tweak my practice with expert hands-on guidance.

Asana-wise I had a first yesterday - Garba Pindanasa...without lube :-P I've found it easy lately (my usual mode has been to splash a bit of water on my arms and legs) and thought it was high time to try it dry..er...as it were. I used to wonder how I would ever sweat so much as to manage without the liquid prop. Now I know I don't need to. Like any other asanas, I guess eventually you just get so as you can do it.

There's only one more 'first' left for me in Primary (not counting those handstanding vinyasas for Navasana). Supta Kurmasana. Faster Tortoise! Sleep! Sleep!

Well hey there. How ya doin?

2006-10-05T16:52:00.000-04:00

My wife and daughters returned on 23 August after almost four months in England. It's great to have them back - that's a bit lame as an expression of how good it feels but I can't bother trying to come up with anything better because I'm not sure I could. You realise how much people mean to you when they aren't around. The dearth of posts on this blog lately is down to me being preoccupied with them. The girls have changed enormously. Four months is a long time...especially for the baby (who came back a toddler). The older one came back with an accent which resembles mine (her however seems to have faded somewhat now).

Four months was long enough for me to have settled into new routines and it has been a massive readjustment to re-accomodate a working spouse and two young girls. Gone are the 7:00 am practices and hours of quiet study and reading. Not that I'm complaining though. But my preoccupation with my family and the upheaval caused by their return meant things were light asana-wise. My log tells me I practiced a mere 15 times in September. Having said that, interestingly and paradoxically, September was a month of breakthroughs. Mari D is becoming 'matter of fact', Kurmasana comes easily and without dread. Even Supta Kurmasana is on the cusp. Then what? Deeper I guess.

I'm off to a good start in October with 5 straight practices. However, they're 4:15 am practices - getting them in these days means getting at 'em early. I must say though, I miss the performance enhanced nature of a slightly later practice. I should get up 30 minutes earlier and muck about for a while...would be far better than my current mode of practicing 10 minutes after getting up.

Karma ain't just a restaurant in Mississauga

2006-08-19T18:35:00.000-04:00

A lady in New Jersey, a friend of my aunt's, recently sent me a booklet entitled Living Intelligently: According to Bhagavad Gita. It's a series of questions posed to, and answered by Swami Viditatmananda Saraswati during a talk series in July 2001. The Swami deals with several subjects with some insight and vision - karma for one.

People who think they know what karma is have a position on it - i.e either they believe in it or don't. But if people really grasped what karma implies there would a lot less controversy about it. The Swami explains karma in disarming simplicity that cuts deep through the mysticism and mystery.

He says that Karma is "the law of cause and effect". That's it. That's all. Cause and Effect - the everyday phenomenon that we readily acknowledge in our physical world; one thing happens and other things happen as a consequence. The consequence is always in keeping with the action that caused it. We neglect our teeth...they go bad. We neglect or poison our bodies...we get sick and die.

But hang on a minute. Good people get cancer and suffer. Good people get their towns shelled to rubble or get rounded up into gas chambers - where's the cause and effect there? What bad deeds could they have done to deserve those things? And what about the people who shelled them - they'll get away with it. How's that fair? Where's the karma in that?

The Swami says that Karma often plays itself out over a longer term than individuals can appreciate. The span of our lives don't amount to a lot in the cosmic scale. He says that the universe is like a painting that looks a blurry up close. But if you step back...way back, its order and purpose comes into full resolution. According to him karma is ultimately fair, particularly if you believe that the soul is indestructable and that karmic consequences will impact the soul beyond individual lifespans.

For the Swami, the ultimate proof that Karma (cause and effect) exists, works, and is fair is the sheer order, equilibrium and symmetrical beauty of the universe that we live in. The universe works...and withou karma it wouldn't.

Why fast?

2006-08-17T15:56:00.000-04:00

Why do we fast? Eating and drinking is a pervasive act that preoccupies us for much of the day so when we fast, we are reminded continuously of the reason behind the fast - like the proverbial knot in the handkerchief it nudges our memory. So when I fasted yesterday for Janmaashtami it was to remember Krsna and the example he set, and the wisdom he imparted (which the world seems to comprehensively ignore).

Beyond this, fasting is a physiological act of purification. In nature sick animals (and indeed even humans) lose appetite as our bodies look to aid the healing by giving our digestive system a break. When we do eat during a fast, it is sattvic food and drink - fruits, nuts, wholesome milk (I avoid the latter as there is pretty much no such thing easily available anymore). So even if you aren't taking your yoga to the dinner table, it's at least one day that you will save yourself from eating bad food or drink.

So...Jai Shri Krsna.

Too much gymnastics

2006-08-12T08:05:00.000-04:00

I know that doing asanas twice a day for your second 25 years doesn't make up for not doing asanas for your first 25 years. I know that would not only be futile and pointless, but likely also counter-productive.

So why do I sometimes behave otherwise? Of course I'd never actually practice twice a day (had I that kind of additional time for my practice, I wouldn't be spending it on asanas - there's scripture to be read, meditation, pranayama, time spent with spouse and children...all of those would be more yogic use of a spare 90 minutes than a second run through the Primary Series). But I did try to make up for lost time a couple of weeks ago

Here's what happened: Due to travel, lodging in cramped quarters and the such, I had a lean spell - only managing to practice four times in a week and it included a 5-day spell where I only practiced asanas once. When I got home I embarked on a eight-day stretch that ended with Tuesday's full moon...as if to try to make up for lost time on the mat. Admittedly they were good sessions. but I could feel my body, mind spirit beginning to tire towards the end of the stretch. I felt reluctance creep into my attitude. I took the moonday gratefully. But was back on the mat on Wednesday. I'm learning my lesson though...it's Saturday and I'm resting.

Absolute Pants

2006-08-05T22:41:00.000-04:00

Some sage advise I read from a regular Ashtangi.net yogini was that if you see clothing you really like, you should buy two. I took her advise to heart...and bought four last weekend.

It's been obvious for a while that I could not longer credibly wear a 32 waist. I could now slide my pants down easily, without undoing the fly or button. I looked daft. I looked hip hop. So I gave my jeans and khakis to my Dad and...

bought new ones...in Atlantic City(which in the pantheon of 'Not Yoga' places, must be top 20) last weekend I dropped a wad of cash, not on the city's famous 'tables', but rather at the Jockey and Banana Republic Outlet stores. Us Canadians we flock Stateside to spend our money these days - our wallets are flush with our multihued and ever more valuable notes - our dollar is now apparently deemed a 'petrocurrency' by the international money trading crowd. We swap them for an ever larger quantity of 'greenback' and feel rich. And no sales tax on clothing in New Jersey? Outrageous!

I spotted the perfect pair of pants at Banana Republic. Vintage style Khakis - 'Gavins' they call them at Banana Republic. But I saw them and recognized my quintessential pant - the ones I've looked for my entire adult life. Steve McQueen. The Great Escape. So I bought three in a crisp cool fabric (when I get to Mysore I'll take them to a tailor - maybe that Sachin guy Caca went on about - and have him make like...I don't know....fifteen or something. And then I bought one more in the thicker stuff you usually associate to the term 'khaki' - in deference to Canadian winters.

As for Jockey. Ten years ago I had it backwards; the quality was on the outside and the briefs would be from...Zellers or Giant Tiger or something - what difference did it make? Most people didn't see you in your underwear. Now my thinking now is that 'the closer to the skin, the better it needs to be'. Never mind what people see you in. So I dropped another pile at the Jockey Store. I was pretty excited about my new underwear...still am.

On the asana front, I've had two of the sweatiest most intense practices ever the last two days. Pushing myself with zeal through vinyasas and fading almost into sleep afterwards in Savasana. Amazing. I've felt truly purified afterwards.

Big day on the Mat

2006-07-24T19:37:00.000-04:00

A landmark day for me on the mat. A couple of big firsts. The big one: an early morning, unassisted Mari D - just on the right though. But the left will follow soon if Mari C is any guide. I know there are some who've done this pose from the beginning...but for me it's been a real war of attrition. I've been adjusted into it. But this time I had it on my own. I've felt myself get closer and closer over the past year and then today I kind of just slipped into it. Just as with other poses, one day it's not there and the next day it's completely there - suddenly easy, even with a wristbind. Speaking of which there have been a lot of wristbinds lately - in all my seated poses. They are so deep now these asanas. My chin rests on my shin and I stare at my toe wondering how I got there.

The other first - I rolled straight out of Garba Pindanasana into Kukkutasana. I felt so high of the ground; Having rolled straight into it my legs were of course still wrapped around my upper arms instead of were they usually are in the pose - just above the wrists.

Moonday kinda just crept up this week - felt like we just had one. I'll take the break though; something felt a bit odd in my lower back as I tried to lift my heels with head resting on my chin in Kurmasana. Generally, I can rest my head on my chin or I can lift my heels. Today I thought I'd try both...and my lower back told me to stop it or else...in no uncertain terms.

The power just went out. 'Load-shedding' as they call it. We better get used to it. I need to get a wood stove. Man if we ever get one of those like the famous August '02 in the winter - we're screwed.

[an hour later]. The power came back on. I had a beer with supper. It was chilled and the first sip tasted good. After that I didn't much care for it, but finished it anyway. Maybe it's the Yoga's taking hold. The real Yoga...not the pfaff we do on the mat.

Coming to Yoga

2006-07-23T22:53:00.000-04:00

I used to regret that I took so long to start practicing Yoga. I was 29 when I took up the mat. A couple of years later I discovered the Ashtanga 'system.'

Thankfully, I've grown out of that nonsense. First and foremost it's not true because I've learned to draw the distinction between asana and Yoga. Also, even with regard to asana, it's futile; I can't turn the clock back and change things. Besides, I have no counter-factual; it's easy for me to think that I'd be streets ahead in my physical practice with say 10 extra years under my bandha. But who knows? Youth is wasted on the young they say. Without the temperance that comes only with age, enthusiasm and a young ego might have taken me beyond my limits and led me to irrepairably f*ck up my knees or back. Whereas by 30, experience in life had taught me that zeal needs to be channeled, and controlled - the idea of the 'middle path' of course, has applications far and wide well beyond the mat. I now imagine I learned that lesson pre-mat and have enjoyed an uninterrupted and injury-free daily practice because of it.

And anyway, what I lost in a 'late' start I'm making up with a fanatical devotion now. I admit I'm a driven zealot. I practice at home and alone but my log tells me that I practice on average 24 times a month.

But here is the main thing. Apart from the mat, I realise that I did indeed start my journey to Yoga very early. Even in my earliest youth, mat aside, there was plenty of Yoga. I was lucky enough to come from a pretty modest household. I did not have to learn to let go of a lot of things because I never had them in the first place. I left home at 18 and took myself through school and grad school. I found my own jobs and learned the lessons of frugality, discipline, order, and self-reliance (but admittedly perhaps not modesty ;-). That's surely Yoga.

Physically, I've always been fit - I had other sadhana that needed the kind of discipline that approaches that required of asana and that, in retrospect, prepared me for them; Karate, cycling, strength-training and good nutrition kept me physically fit, strong and reasonably flexible. Meanwhile, my innate bookishness kept me from from indulging (with only a few aberrations) in the wildest excesses of substance abuse. My preference has always been (and still is - to my wife's sometime exasperation) to stay home and read, or spend time on keeping up my Japanese, or research a new project. I'd rather cook than eat out. I'd rather grow my own than buy. I'd rather ride (even in the brutal Ottawa December of 1993) than take the bus. I'd rather grow wildflowers than plant a lawn. And I'd rather do pretty much anything than watch the sh*t that passes for entertainment on television. And that attitude predates my mat. That's surely Yoga.

The speed with which 'progress' in our practice and the path we take through it is dictated by our samskara. But make no mistake, all of us (and I mean all 6 billion of us) come to Yoga sooner or later, some way or another.

A Summer Weekend

2006-07-17T21:00:00.000-04:00

I drove 3 hours north on Saturday, parked in the Bruce Peninsula National Park and hiked for maybe an hour until I came upon a clearing...and discovered (again) Georgian Bay. You could convince yourself without much difficulty that you were in the Mediterranean (except this crystal clear 'ocean' turns out to be fresh water). I took these pictures

The boat lolling in the water was called 'Out and About' (how Canadian is that?).

On the way home, I stopped by Sauble Beach just to check it out - to see if it my wife and daughters might like it. I drove through the Town of Sauble Beach (one small strip garish, but charming, of beach wear and greasy food...but nice looking coffee). Lake Huron beyond it was almost blindingly bright with the reflections of the Sun. An hour later, I caught the most stunning sunset.

Asana-wise it was quiet on the weekend. On Saturday, I'm trying to establish the resting habit (and not just because the Premiership season is around the corner). And besides, I was about to spend 15 hours in 'the Bruce' and needed to pack my gear (don't you just love Ontario place names? 'The Bruce', Tobermory, Kenora, Bobcaygeon, Penatanguishing, Muskoka'. Wherever I am, I think of these words to conjure up home in my mind). Sunday was an unscheduled outage caused by various exertions in 'Bruce' - hiking, swimming, lying on the beach, driving through the rolling countryside, drinking coffee, eating sandwiches, taking in the heat of the Sun.

Back to the mat this morning. Rough - hamstrings were particularly tight after the hiking. But like the Pizza I had last night even when it's bad it's still pretty good ;-)

I have started my annual fast this evening. I was hesitant. A year of daily practice has left me pretty lean and I tend to (here's a surprise) losing weight when I fast. It's pretty rough for the first day or so, but afterwards...it's hard to put into words. There's clarity of mind that's tough to describe. And the asanas...you feel yourself to be extra light and you throw yourself through the sequence. I fast for the purification it provides. But I also fast to bring myself down to earth; I realise how genuinely fortunate I am when I break my fast on day four. No food ever tastes so good or wholesome as that first grape or cherry.

The thunder outside sounds like big guns going off in the distance. It was thick with moisture tonight, the air. We are in for a doozy of a storm tonight.

The Non-Practicing Spouse

2006-07-07T23:01:00.000-04:00

For the vast majority of attached Yoga types, a non-practicing spouse is a guy. I must be one of maybe, oh I don't know...nine...male Ashtangis on this planet who has a non-practicing female partner. My stories of the way we interplay regarding Yoga would not resonate with yoginis who grapple with non-practicing men. I don't know for sure, but I imagine a lot of guys roll their eyes dismissively while their yogic girlfriends and wives effervesce about how 'deep and meaningful' their practice is and what chanting has done for them lately.

At the end of the day, I'm still a guy and she's a girl. Which means that she is wildly enthusiastic and encouraging about (my practicing) Yoga...and I'm frustrated as all hell that she's never practiced a single asana.

I remember three or four years ago, she came back from an afternoon of browsing at Indigo with a 'Yoga book' for me. 'I've bought a Yoga book for you!' She announced cheerfully. I don't remember my reaction, but I paint a picture of myself: Warily, I might have gazed at her, I'm biting my lower lip, bracing myself what is surely about to underwhelm me. She pulls out the book - it's pervasive white cover-thin orange border trademark identifies it across the room. I'm not good at diplomacy (ironic that I was trained to work in the foreign service). I let out an involuntary sigh. I was obviously pissed off and she read me like the book she was holding. I laugh (and cringe) now thinking about it. She was as stunned and hurt at my complete ingratitude as I was at her complete misapprehension of 'what I was all about'. In recollecting it all now, I realize now that was I a bit of a pr*ck - I even remember inquiring as to whether she'd kept the receipt. I feel bad about it now. She meant well. She always does.

I should add that I'm happily married and contented. Indeed, I am well-pleased at how things have turned out in my life - including my choice of a lifelong partner. But my spouse (and I guess this is often true of many others) reflects to a degree who I was when I met her, rather than who I am now. For example, I married a vegetarian largely because I myself was one. (Incidentally, I now realise that vegetarianism was the beginning of my practice. Long before I even knew or understood that I would take up Yoga so thoroughly, it was the kernel of an embryonic practice).

Since then, Yoga has thorougly enveloped my life and now shapes my thoughts in a profoundly comprehensive way. I seem to view all things through the yogic lense. And in this increasingly fundamental aspect of my life, her absence is blaringly conspicious. I hold my hand up and readily admit that I wish she practiced (I'm bound to - after all, If I think it holds the road to salvation for everyone, naturally I'd want her to have a piece).

I bet she would practice. I need to find a way to make it easier for her to join me.

This post is for a kindred soul.

Suckasana

2006-07-06T22:34:00.000-04:00

I had a monumentally bad practice this morning. Retrograde big stylie. Felt like I'd gone back in time to circa July 2003. I have no explanation for it. I felt good enough as I got out of bed at 6:00 am - eight hours after getting into it. Suryas started well, so did standing. And then it went pear-shaped somewhere in the midst of Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana. Hamstrings felt tight and it was just wrong. 'Son of Gun', I whispered under my breath like Carly Simon (circa 1973)

I perservered through the rest of the practice out of sheer stubborn pig-headedness. But I still can't explain why it was so bad. Coz maybe it's a bit cool this morning? Coz maybe I took a day off yesterday to rest my MCLs that felt a bit tweaked-out? Nah. Probably that mysterious Prana business wot dun it...init?

It wasn't just physical. My mind was a wandering mess - turmoil over the wife and kids. I skyped my wife yesterday - she's still in London. 'Thinking about extending my trip like you suggested' she said (It had been a throw-away comment as I saw her off at YYZ back in May - 'You know...stay as long as you like, spend some real quality time with your folks' I said, before adding for magnanimous good measure 'Say, what the heck, you're not due back to work till September, why don't you extend your trip?!' And she hadn't even left TO. It felt at the time a good cheap way to sound generous (and at the time she responded that 'Two months was quite enough'). Did I think she'd take me up on it? Like feck

Says she now, 'I only wanted to extend a couple of weeks, but it's peak season and the earliest flight back I could get back was 23 August (the day before our wedding anniversary/my birthday). I'm oscillating between resentfulness and understanding. I miss them but I'm beginning to wonder if they miss me. My wife took Dhara to the Lion King in the West End last week. I wish I were there. The season starts next month and we're in a new stadium. I'd like to take her to see The Arsenal.

Schadenfreude is so not Yoga. But I admit to feeling a little as I watched Christiano Ronaldo blubbering after crashing out of the World Cup with Portugal yesterday. What a complete tosser...the kid sure can play though. Nice to see Arse...I mean France get through to the final. Allez Allez!

The One Percent

2006-06-28T20:29:00.000-04:00

I have been delving into my recently arrived copy of Gregor Maehle's book. It's extremely thorough - he spends eight pages on Surya Namaskar A alone. Ever been to one of those workshops where the intructor walks you through an asana contantly stopping to explain every nuance and detail? You know what I mean? - 'A line should pass through that heel to this second toe and here's why' kinda thing. Well that's what this book is like. A lot of thought has gone into it; And beyond the poses he anticipates and answers the typical sort of general questions an intermediate ashtangi might still harbour. Such as full versus half vinyasa - which is the more appropriate and for whom, and when?

I've also gotten a deeper appreciation for how the asanas tie together from Gregor. And some of you are probably going 'well duh' - Of course I always knew this as a yoga truism, but he explains the mechanics behind this truism - precisely why, physiologically speaking, certain asanas are prerequisites for others (the book's full of pictures of muscle groups, joints etc.). Hence I now have a real understanding of why it is that teachers hold back certain asanas until proficiency is achieved in others. Really, it's to keep you from hurting yourself.

The immediate tangible impact on my practice though is that it has changed the way I look at Surya Namaskar. In hindsight I've treated it too much like a 'warm-up' to be gotten through quickly before the serious business. It's much more than that - and here again, you're going 'well duh' - but I always thought I was being serious in my Sun Salutations. After a careful reading of Gregor's section on them (which ironically he starts by introducing them as 'warm-up' exercises), I've realized that I wasn't as diligent as I needed to be. The Suryas are so complex - there is so much to pay attention to and I've begun to do that. the affect that has had on my whole practice is awesome (and I don't mean awesome in way my six year-old does) - it's as though that extra energy and focus I generate now in those first 5-10 minutes ripples through the rest of my practice.

One other benefit I've gotten is the advice to continuously pay attention to the 'pairs of opposites'; for example, in my desire to progress in my asanas, I've focused too much on flexibility - pushing myself to 'make the stretch'. But the truth is that flexibility is only one half of a pair of opposites - the other being strength (yeah yeah I know...'well duh'). I now understand that I need to balance flexibility with strength in order to get the most from my practice in the present...which in turn will drive my progress automatically. I am beginning to understand that there is a 'tardis' of depth inside the deceptively simple idea of 'the middle path' that pervades Yoga.

While there are no asanas beyond Yoga Chikitsa presented in this book, you don't really need that to be provided here - I've got them in my Miele and Swenson books and they can be gotten off the web for that matter. The real gem in this book is that it uses the Primary Series to teach the correct approach to one's physical practice - which can then be applied to all the poses that lie beyond.

It's a fine book - one well worth having in my opinion and one out of which I've taken so much with as yet only a cursory look.

In ending, I should add that I'm not being paid for this enthusiastic review ;-)

Death By Football

2006-06-16T07:55:00.000-04:00

When it comes to televison, I never recovered from the 14 months I spent in India between in 1982/1983. Even people who had TVs didn't watch much...because there just wasn't that much on. (I know...there still isn't, but back then this amounted to a quantitative, rather than qualitative assessment of the matter). I think in that year I watched maybe 6 hours of television and I've never really needed it since. Moreover, television would have died for me altogether were it not for Football.

Practically, the only thing I ever watch on TV is Football. Needless to say, I'm watching a lot right now. Thankfully we're getting the BBC feed in Canada - otherwise I'd be stuck listening to the complete muppets on ESPN...and watching baseball scores scroll along the bottom. Bollocks to ESPN. If I want to watch rubbish, I'll go outside and stare at my composter.

Anyway...

I can't see myself going to India this year (for Yogic purposes anyway). Surprisingly neither money nor career turn out to be the impediments: I'm really missing the girls...and I can't imagine taking off to India for 2 or 3 months this year and being away from them for a second long stretch. How ironic that you feel so intensely your identity as a father and husband when you're not having to be either. How am I ever going to go to India without them?

Let's accentuate the positives; I go to sleep at 9 if I want...and sometimes do. And finding the time to practice or study is never a problem. I'd give it up now to have them back - but I'll have to wait another month.

On the mat I almost bound Mari D today. It's now just a matter of days...I've seen this before. I know the feeling... And this time it will be without the intervention of Tina Pizzimenti who so effortlessly adjusted me into it last November. No. This time, I'll have it on my own. A pose others so easily get has been a long time coming for me.

But in the broader sense, I am rather taken by my progress (rather than dejected by any lack thereof). Here's what I mean; Patanjali talks about a yogi being seduced by his 'supernatural' powers as he progresses. Mr. Iyengar's take on this is that...

The essence of what he is saying is this: when we strive mightily for a goal on our path, gratifying rewards and results incidentally come in our way. We can easily become so enamoured of what we have accidentally acquired that we mistake it for the goal itself

After just over a year of daily practice, I see what he means as look at myself in the morning. I'm stronger, leaner and lighter than in years...perhaps even ever. The material side effects of this spiritually and intellectually uplifting practice are undeniable. I am undoubtedly 'enamoured of what I have accidentally acquired'.

Practicing Non-Practicing

2006-06-03T10:08:00.000-04:00

Today I forced myself not to practice. Delving into my Iyengar last night I was reminded that Aparigraha (non-attachment or non-covetousness) applies as much to concepts, ideas, habits and practices as much as to material objects. And so I made my physical practice the subject of an exercise in my non-physical practice of yama. Today would have made seven straight days and that is probably a bit over the top.

It was difficult to take the holiday and the only way I could force myself to do it was to actually roll out the mat, and spend my time reading David Swenson's book seated in Siddhasana on it. I haven't really opened it in a while and it was a worthwhile exercise to go back through it and review and check my method. I'm indebted to this book which above any other resource has been key to developing my practice. I practice at home and not entirely by choice - the closest authorised teacher is at least an hour's drive into the city and that's just too far; I realise that there is something special about practicing at a shala. I've experienced it in the workshops that I've attended. There's an energy and enthusiasm that's infectious. It envelops, pushes and encourages you. This is why I want to go to Mysore - to tap into that day after day, month after month. I reckon it would take my practice (physical and otherwise) to another level. Anyway, I digress. As a home-practioner, the David Swenson's book and DVD have been my primary resource of instruction. But I begin to feel that I'm outgrowing it.

There's a bit of a vibe lately among the Ashtanga bloggers about Gregor Maele's book. Having seen some of it, I'd say it's justified - it looks a wonderful resource and I learned plenty just from the free excerpt on Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana. I think it'll be a must have for me.

WARNING - IMMINENT AND DRAMATIC CHANGE OF SUBJECT WITH ABSOLUTELY NO SEGUE. With the Football season done and the World Cup still a few days away, I'm enjoying a bit of Cricket - England vs. Sri Lanka's on the TV in front of me (I'd rather watch India vs West Indies but it's not on offer). It looks a beautiful day in Nottinghamshire and the cricket is tense and interesting. I hope there's a series in India when I get there. When there's a match on it covers the country like a mesh - you can hardly escape it. In shops, resaurants and even temples monitors show the action. Anywhere you go, you're at least within earshot of a radio and you always know what's going on. A Cricket match is the proper way to spend a summer day - in a deckchair, July sunshine, with a cup of tea or a pint of stout watching and hearing leather on willow.

Livin' La Vida Yoga

2006-05-31T08:48:00.000-04:00

The last couple of days I've felt like I was in Mysore - I've been eating hot and spicy Dosas and Sambhar, the humidex puts the temperature into the 40s outside and I've been sweating heaps through my asanas...and I've taken to watching Indian television.

Shorn (temporarily) of the responsibilities of being a father, husband and an Arsenal supporter, I've piled into my work doing masses of overtime. It's necessary right now and I might as well as the money comes in handy; I'm at the last band level that gets paid overtime for work over 44 hours. One more promotion and Big Blue gets all it's overtime from me for free (kinda - of course the hefty pay hike would mitigate this).

I've also spent more time with my folks - helping my Dad extend his strawberry patch on Sunday (which is back-breaking work around here), and taking my Mom (Mum doesn't seem right anymore, so it's Mom from now on) shopping on Saturday. I even sit with her through Indian reality TV and soaps - to which I'm getting a bit addicted (I rationalize that I'm actually working on my Hindi).

The asanas have been funny lately. I have struggled with tiredness the last couple of days getting slowly accustomed to the sudden heat. Also I'm stiff in the hamstrings so Utthita Hasa Padangusthasanas are a real slog. But then some aspects of my asanas seem oblivious to this tightness - in the Paschimottanasanas, for example, I am now tucked right down, nose between knees.

Urdhva Dhanurasana is another funny one - it comes and goes. Right now it's back (and they were great this morning). Last weekend they sucked big style though. I don't get it. How can you be able to do an asana one week and not the next? On the Garba Pindanasana front I no longer need to lube myself - water work fine. And for the first time in a while my heels came off the ground in Kurmasana this morning.

So much into La Vida Yoga I am that last night I actually dreamt I was in Mysore. Before bed I read a couple of verses from the Sadhana Pada in Iyengar's Light on the Yoga Sutras for a half hour. Check this pearl from his interpretation of II.32 out:

We are taught nowadays that the miracle of the world's ecosystem is it's balance, a balance which modern man is fast destroying by deforestation, pollution, over-consumption. This is because when man becomes unbalanced, he seeks to change not himself but his environment, inorder to create the illusion that he is enjoying health and harmony. In winter he overheats his house, in summer he freezes it with air-conditioning. This is not stability but arrogance. Some people take tablets to go to sleep and tablets to wake up. Their life has the rhythm of a pingpong ball.

Brilliant eh? Cuts right to the core of the madness of the modern world. Anyway, the Mysore of my dream last night appeared to be a composite of my remembrances of Southern Japan (where I spent a couple of years in my early twenties) and my distant memories of India where I spent a year between the summers of 1982 and 1983. I came to the Shala for Guruji's conference on a hot evening just after sundown. I showed up late, got embarrassed, and upon leaving found that the yellow bicycle on which I arrived had gotten stolen. A bit surreal for sure. But it seemed real enough at the time. Anway, work beckons.

Proud

2006-05-21T19:21:00.000-04:00

I felt surprisingly good Wednesday night. True, I was left deflated by their sudden collapse in the 15 minutes before the final whistle, but they had played practically the whole match a man short and I was immensely proud. They had done everything anyone could possibly ask of them and came so close to that, ultimately beguiling, prize. They are a precociously talented side with so much promise (indeed no club is sending more teanagers to next month's World Cup). And Friday brought joy as the captain signed a 4-year deal which ties him to the Club until 2010. Quite apart from the deal, he expressed a real passion for the Club and the fans: "I want to continue writing the story of Arsenal" he said.

Anyway, the season's done and dusted as it were.

On the yoga front, I've impressed myself with the way I got myself onto the mat daily this week in spite of having to be at the office every day (10 hours book-ended by two-hour drives). I was tenacious and stubborn about practicing. Unfortunately, I'm going through a slump in terms of quality - I've been stiff (particularly in the hamstrings) and it's all a real slog.

After a year of daily Ashtanga practice, the irony about this business is beginning to hit me - I begin to look your standard Ashtangi. But the better I look, the less I'm supposed to care right?

I'm also beginning to count the costs of a daily home practice - can't cost much you think. But you'd be wrong. Nothing fits me anymore. I'm a 30 waist again and I can pull all my khakis and jeans down without undoing the button or the fly (and being lazy, this is exactly what I do). I need a new wardrobe.

I need a new box of mangoes too. I've finished two already. The mango producers don't know it but I'll bet I'm a statistically significant component of the Canadian mango market. Yep, if they knew their stuff, they'd be out to monopolize the lucrative 'Ash' segment.

And what's with the weather? It's like October out there.

Vraiment Galactique

2006-05-16T21:21:00.000-04:00

People have been stopping me in the halls at work and have been messaging and phoning me all week with their best wishes for tomorrow. Which is pretty sad because, of course, It's not as though I'm actually playing. But naturally, I shall be watching what should be an epic match - vraiment galactique as L'Equipe bills it.

This week has been tough on the asanas. I am taking some intense education at work - 9 hours a day plus trying to spend a couple of hours keeping abreast of my 'day job'. And I have to drive through the wet weather 1-2 hours each way. It's makes for a long day and it's hard to get up at 4:00 am to practice. I missed Monday - just too tired - but managed to drag myself onto the mat for a decent one this morning (a bit tight though, especially in the hamstrings - after two months of doing asanas pretty much every day, I really feel the impact of practicing only on alternate days - as has been the case for the past week).

It used to be you took education when you were 'on the bench' - i.e. between engagements. These days, there is no 'in between engagement'. In fact, rather than having a break between projects, you're generally working two engagements at the same time for a month or so as you phase out of one and into another. So, we now take education in the midst of engagements. Ubiquitous connectivity makes it impossible to get away from the customer even if you were so inclined. It's good though. I like this intensity right now and it keeps me from thinking about the girls who are in London right now (a city which will go utterly mad with delight given the right result for it's grandest footballing side in Paris tomorrow).

A Light Week

2006-05-13T14:00:00.000-04:00

A weekend trip to Chicago, a moonday, and departing wife and kids, contrived to make this a light week on the mat - just 4 practices since Sunday.

Last Friday at 6:45 we - me, wife and our two girls got into the car and headed southwest for Chicago. My wife's cousin married last April - we couldn't make the Cancun beach wedding (alas), but the wedding reception at the Chicago Planeterium was a fine consolation on a crisp evening on the shore of Lake Michigan. I adore Chicago; it's one of those cities that, while not quite as dear to me as London and Toronto, I know quite well and have an affinity for (Tokyo, Vadodara, and Ottawa being the others).

I managed a practice on Saturday down there but either side of that, I was a 10-hour drive that made a practice, er, impractical....and then Monday I was just too plain knackered from all that travelling and partying.

Two days later, I was dropping my family off at YYZ. My wife and daughters are now in London - my wife being on a year of maternity leave and the eldest of our girls going into grade 1 next year, this was the ideal opportunity for them all to spend real time with my wife's family in London. They're gone for two months(!). It's so quiet without them. I knew I'd miss them, but I couldn't say no and did not want to. Besides, it gives me a chance to work on a few project at home and focus on my career for a key couple of weeks. And what wonderful sleep I'm getting!

Yesterday, after a bit of a late morning, I snuck in a evening practice before the moonday - November was the last time I practiced in the PM. It's just so extraordinary how much more extension you get. What a practice. What backbends! How have I come to be able to do those so well so suddenly?

Wild Kingdom

2006-05-04T17:15:00.000-04:00

I had a poor practice yesterday (except for Garba Pindanasana which I got to work again but more on that later). I got up and felt for the first time in ages like skipping a day and in retrospect I feel as though my body was trying to tell me I needed a rest day and I should have listened. I didn't however, and the results were rather indifferent.

The one exception being the aforementioned Garba Pindanasana which I did successfully again but this time with the aid of Body Butter - we've had a hockey puck-sized jar of this heavy duty moisturizer from the Body Shop kicking about for a while that my wife got as a gift. Neither of us ever used it because it makes you smell like dessert. But I decided that I'd use it to ease into Garba P so I wouldn't get jammed up like I did other day (this being early morning in springtime Canada, there's not enough sweat yet). It worked fine. The only problem was come Yoga Mudra my hands were too greasy and I struggled to keep a hold on my toes, and then later in backbends, my hands kept sliding out from under me for the same reason (I practice on a cotton rug). I used the stuff again today but next time I think I'll try water - it should be lubricant enough.

A funny thing happened after my practice this morning. After showering, I took a look outside our bedroom window as I buttoned my shirt. I saw two robins perched on one of my apple trees down below. Beyond them I saw the flash of a pair of blue jays flitting from tree to earth and back again. And then I saw a white-tailed rabbit jump out of a stump of grass and hop towards them (presumably to get a better look). Just when I thought it couldn't get any more interesting, I glanced up to see a blue heron fly majestically over the house. " 'k...that's not something you see everyday" was all I could muster. I half expected Bambi to jump out of the woods.

An Ordinary Practice

2006-05-01T16:52:00.000-04:00

Asanas present a host of opportunities for slapstick; there's a mountain of comedic potential in the Primary Series alone.

Take me in Garba Pindasana this morning (and you probably see this coming ). Fresh for my first proper Garba Pindasana yesterday, I fully expected to negotiate this pose handily this morning. Slip, there goes the right arm nicely through. Now for the left. Jammed! - at the forearm just below the elbow. I turn red struggling to get it in...but no dice. It...ain't...goin'. I lose balance and fall on one side, and now my thigh is pinching into the my right bicep and it really hurts. I can't extricate either arm and I'm rolling around of the floor literally tied in a knot. It hurts, I know how ridiculous I must look, and I start laughing uncontrollably. Eventual I settle down and slowly come out of Lotus to 'undo' myself.

So who says Tronna's not a big Yoga city? We've had Lino and Darby in the past 6 months (my goodness has it really been 6 months since I practiced with Lino and Tina?!) and now we're getting Swenson this month and then Richard Freeman soon afterwards. I'm considering signing up for these weekend workshops. However, while it's not a lot of money, between the two, it's probably enough to pay Mysore rent for a month. I still haven't entirely given up on going to Mysore this winter, so I'll probably keep my powder dry and my bank accounts topped up.

An Extraordinary Practice

2006-04-30T19:26:00.000-04:00

I had a notable practice this morning. I've clearly breached some kind of plateau because my practices have been special the last couple of weeks and today's was truly sweet.

It was unexpected. I was sore when I got this morning from planting trees yesterday (we observe Earth Day each year by buying and planting several trees - this year eight: 2 white spruce; 3 paper birch; 3 white pines). We live on the Niagara Escarpment. Thousands of years ago when glaciers cut a flattening swath through Ontario giving it the undulating countryside of today, it couldn't grind down the hard granite of the Escarpment. As I said, we live on it - our house and land is on it and it hasn't changed that much - I can seldom dig a hole even 5 inches deep without having to pull out large stones (we have one bolder the size of small car on our land which may be common where you are, but pretty rare in Southern Ontario...the Escarpment excepted) - digging, therefore, is always a job that requires a pick as well as a shovel - in fact it shouldn't be called digging - it's more like scratching or picking or heaving. Anyway, having 'dug' eight holes, a foot and half deep for each of the seedlings, I almost took a rest day asana-wise this morning.

I'm glad I didn't. I got my first wrist bind in Mari B; my feet were off well off the ground in Kurmasana; I got a real genuine Garba Pindanasa for the first time ever. Most of all...Urdhva Dhanurasana...speechless...I don't know how all of a sudden I can do pukka backbends. And they get better every day.

I've never enjoyed my asanas more. I've never found it easier to get up and do them...even at 4 or 5am. And of course, I've never done them so well. I can only put it down to my new diet - and here there is nothing shockingly innovative ; for years my diet's been generally quite good, but lately I've taken it up a notch and gotten rid of every last remnant of crap - not a fry, chip or spoonful of ice cream in two months. Nor a beer or a glass of wine (nothing but water, green or black tea, or soya milk). I've been eating pounds of kiwi, oranges, pears, apples, mangos, broccoli, cauliflower, sweet potato, spinach, tangerines, tomatoes, peas etc. Raw, steamed or baked. Save the occasionally shaving of cheddar on a veggie burger; no dairy; only whole grains; eggs rarely and even those, only organic free range. My headaches are gone - I mean totally. And my asanas are very definitely here. I'm not remotely tempted to regress. I'm repulsed by the idea of losing all this new real quality on and off the mat.

Sharath

2006-04-28T16:24:00.000-04:00

Obviously you respect the guy - he knows his way around the practice. But this article posted by Spiros Antonopoulos really bolsters my opinion of him...

Fifteen days, one month, and then they want to become a big star, be in the magazines...[laughing] All the [ancient] yogis, they didn't come in magazines. They never advertised themselves. They didn't say, "Hey, I'm a big yogi". That's just ego.

We get so many calls from westerners. They call, "How can I become a teacher?" They write to us, "How can I become a teacher?" You have to become a student first. For a long time. Maybe ten years.

Pukka innit?

Arsenal.Barcelona.Paris

2006-04-26T21:22:00.000-04:00

It happened. Arsenal are in the European Cup Final. After a nervy and tense affair at El Madrigal in Villareal in which Arsenal survived an 89th minute penalty drama to keep the score at 0-0 and go through on an aggegrate score of 1-0. There was precious little detachment and serenity - the focus and concentration was all there but so was too the emotion. Arsenalasana.

We were diabolical. That was the worst I've seen us play in a good long time. But as they say, it's a good side that can play poorly and get the result against quality opposition.

Football's like your asanas (and not just in that both take 90 minutes) - In either, form doesn't count for much. Results do. You can do a pose badly or play badly and still get the right result. On the other hand you can play beautifully and get it wrong. It doesn't matter that you're streaming sweat and working your heart out, binding everything in sight, or making perfect passes and tackles. All that counts is getting 'there'. In Football it's the right scoreline. In asanas it's being there in the moment. Of course, once every so often the cosmic tumblers fall into place and you get both the form and the results. Theoretically this is the space we get to eventually - in Football or Asansas. Theoretically.

Briefly, I dreamed of getting to Paris the week of 17 May (I even looked up the ticket - British Airways, Toronto-Paris Return C$1,033). Can I swing it? Work makes it a little hard right now, the Money could be scratched together. My wife's going to London with the girls for two months to visit with her Parents in early May, I could even join them in London for the week and Eurotunnel it over for match day. Hmm.

Arsenalasana

2006-04-20T21:27:00.000-04:00

I took a rest day today and it wasn't easy to accept. My alarm woke me at 4:00 am. The problem was that our baby girl had been doing that all night. Anyway, I dragged my arse out of bed, sat on the loo for a bit, brushed my teeth, looked in the mirror and realised that I was so not up for 90 minutes of asanas. By this time it was 4:30 so, having accepted my complete knackeredness, I fumbled back under covers for another 90 minutes of fitful horizontitude.

I didn't feel guilty about this - I was just disappointed. I was sad to miss out - which is daft since this was only my third day off in the past 30 days (moonies not included). I love my asanas lately - a couple of nights ago I caught myself actually anticipating and looking forward to the poses I visualised myself doing the next morning.

But not last night. Last night I watched Arsenal put one leg into the European Cup final by beating Villareal 1-0 in the first left of their semi-final. What does this have to do with asanas or yoga? As I watched the game, I realised how far my yoga had come. Indeed the real measure of my progress as a Yogi has been the degree to which I am able to watch my beloved Arsenal with ever-increasing equanimity. I call this Arsenalasana. I was a bit tense admittedly. 1-0 is a pretty slim margin and if the Spanish side had scored an 'away' goal, we would absolutely need to win at their place next week. However, as things stand, a draw in Villareal puts into the final for the first time ever - at the Stade de France in Paris against (most likely) FC Barcelona. What a dream final. It's the one most purists want as there are no two more 'watchable' sides in the game today. Villeareal on the other hand are hard to watch (or at least they were last night); they showed no ambition and were more interested in rolling around feigning injury whenever Arsenal broke on a counter attack - the cheating @#$*ers. Was a time when I would have screamed righteous abuse at Villareal for such antics.

Indeed, was a time in the not so distant past when I couldn't eat before a game (remember that I'm watching rather than playing here) and where, unless Arsenal were up 3-0 at half-time, I was a nervous wreck. And, it's a good thing they're a pretty successful side because when they lost you pretty much stayed away from me the whole day. To get a sense of what I was like watch Fever Pitch - the movie based on the book by my fellow Arsenal supporter Nick Hornby (and here I mean the original movie not the crap one that replaced football with baseball - hah! as if you could substitute a mere 'past time' for 'the beautiful game').

Today I realise that what is worth celebrating is the manner in which they play. The result (most likely a win) is merely a consequence. They play with flair, speed and eboullient panache. At a high tempo with crisp accurate passing and movement off the ball. So I try to watch it in a manner befitting them - with driste...and...(this is the hard bit) detachment and equanimity. Arsenalasana.

A Year of Daily Practice

2006-04-14T12:21:00.000-04:00

April marks an anniversary for me; a year of 'daily practice'. Until last year I maintained a 3-practice per week routine (basically asanas were the aerobic component of my strength-oriented fitness regime). Then, last spring I made it a goal to practice every day (except Moon Days). I haven't always kept it but the key was to set the goal doing so has probably kept me practicing an average of 4-6 time a week throughout the year.

Apropos this anniversary, I'm in some kind of yogic sweet spot. Gone is the sleepy clumsy hapless start to the year that had me wrapping cars around concrete pylons - incidently, my plan to get to Mysore this winter took a financial kick in the teeth when I got that door fixed :-) But I am still hopeful.

I've been getting back into Iyengar's writing lately. He has such a beautiful way of expressing what Yoga is about - his analogies truly hit mark. Yoga, he says, ascends on two wings - Abhyasa (Practice) and Vairagya (renunciation or detachment). He goes on to say that one builds the ladder for you to climb upwards towards self-realization, while the other pulls the ladder up behind you. One is positive - an act of commission, analogous to the Sun. The other is negative - an act of omission, analogous to the Moon. Focusing on one is detrimental to the sadhaka (devotee). As he puts it:

Without restraint, the forces generated by practice would spin out of control and could destroy the sadhaka. At higher levels, vairagya without abhyasa could lead to stagnation and inner decay.

As for my asanas. I have only missed 5 days since in the past month - and two of those were Moon Days. Even this week, despite having to go into the office every day and working 12-hour days, I managed to get up at 4 Monday through Wednesday to practice. I feel incremental progress daily.

Meet Your Meat

2006-04-02T19:23:00.000-04:00

My brother sent me this today from PETA. It's not for the faint-hearted, but you have the right to know where you food comes from.

Yoga 24/7

2006-03-25T15:30:00.000-05:00

You practice, or at least aim to, twenty-four hours a day seven days a week. Practice is not 90 minutes on a mat. Practice is the way you breathe and eat. It's way the way you relate to your kin and your fellow man with integrity and compassion. Yoga is how you work and why you work. It does not matter how much you earn; It is wrong and outside of the path of yoga to do work that is deceitful and wrong. It is not, however, necessarily 'unyogic' to make $120,000 a year - whatever you do, regardless of how much you earn doing it, if you do it with passion and in the service of Krsna (or whatever else you personally choose to call Krsna) and humanity and without undue concern for the material rewards then it is yogic.

As for the stuff on the mat, i.e.asanas, it is inconceivable that any job that requires anything up to 50-hours a week could keep you from them. Even if you have a home and family to keep. Having said, that, if you still have no time for them, worry not - some the best yogis humanity has ever known never did a single asana their whole life (Let me add here that I also know several self-indulgent useless prats who do them almost every day).

Skinny

2006-03-21T22:36:00.000-05:00

On Sunday I had an astonishing practice - my first in exactly 7 days - it was precisely a week since the final workshop with Darby. I hadn't practiced since then because my flu made a frightening comeback. I even called in sick on Wednesday. My appetite totally deserted me - all I could take in was fruit, water and green tea. And I lost at least 5 lbs. I now carry 138lbs - that's pretty light even on my relatively modest 5'7" frame. (By the way I've lost 27 lbs since I started practicing asanas regularly in 2001 - I've dropped about 17 lbs of those since last April when I went 'daily' Ashtanga. But of course the most recent weight loss had nothing to do with asanas).

The resultant practice was tough as I was still weak. Also, so soon after the workshop I was still focused on the lessons learned and I pushed myself and sweated quite a bit. But what I found remarkable was the difference dropping 5 lbs makes - and it was suddenly and very apparent to me because I'd only just lost it since my last practice. Poses that are 'just there' become easy - in Mari B my forehead to the ground; and in Mari C I both wrists with room to spare; Yoga Mudra was laughably easy and Mari D so so nearly there. My concentration was worse than usual and my mind wandered all over the place - but some of that's down to lacking full fitness.

My wife saw me as I came out of my practice room and remarked that I looked 'scrawny'. To me I look fitter than ever - but admittedly, at 26 (which I was when we first met), My fitness regime was more typical of the North American male - weights, bikes, snowboards, canoes, hikes. Mind you most of that would still be there if I still had the kind of spare time I had back then except now there's Yoga and it makes all the difference. Also, I'd only just given up meat. I'm still muscular now, but I have no where near the bulk. (I've lost 27 lbs after all!). When I suck my 'gut' in, I actually look like one of those pictures you see in Yoga texts illustrating nauli.

Physically though, this was a landmark practice and I'm going to try to make some of those habits of the past week permanent; even more raw fruit and vegetables than I usually eat for example (and tons of my favourite juicy fruits - grapes, kiwis, oranges); Evening meals early - no later than 7 (and only fruit or water for snacking afterwards).

I took Monday as a rest day after Sunday's exertions, and came back on again today feeling a bit sore in the hamstrings but again I had the same fine practice. Here's hoping for more of the same tomorrow.

So Sick

2006-03-16T17:32:00.000-05:00

I haven't practiced since the Sunday full vinyasa Mysore practice with Darby. I took a rest day on Monday to give my troubled left shoulder a break (and as I feel it now, it appears to have recovered). After a welcome Moonday on Tuesday however, the flu I started to feel last week somehow came back and whacked me hard; it's knocked the stuffing out of me. For the first time in years, I even called in sick because I couldn't even work from home.

The problem is that everyone in the house is down. And anyone with kids knows that it's hard to get well when you're up all night trying to comfort a poorly 5 month-old. So it all just gets stretched out.

What bugs me is that I can get sick at all since I take pretty good care of myself. All I eat is sweat potato, broccoli, oranges, kiwi fruit, peas, apples, beans, etc etc (you get the idea) and all I drink is black or green tea and tons of water. So what gives? Is it work? Is it stress manifesting itself as ailment? Probably I'm just not getting adequate sleep. I guess it doesn't really matter what you do - if it's going around sooner or later you're bound to get it.

I'm looking forward to getting back onto the mat. I might try a practice tomorrow if I feel half decent. The weekend workshops recharged my enthusiasm for asanas. I've added a couple of things to my reading list - Iyengar's Light on Yoga and Light on Life. I've really enjoyed Iyengar's take on Patanjali. Darby's introduction to Yoga came through Light on Yoga and he said the only reason he never ended up in Pune practicing with Iyengar was that he didn't have a lot of money and didn't think he could afford a teacher who'd actually written a book - so he settled for Jois! Of course, now he reveres Guruji; I asked him about the other 'Ashtanga' teachers in Mysore - Venkatesh and Sheshadri. He's heard of them of course, but said he'd never go to them out of respect for Guruji.

I've always been open-minded about my asanas (perhaps because I didn't start out with Ashtanga but rather Sivananda Hatha, and really saw and appreciated its benefits. I don't think of Ashtanga as the only correct system of asanasa or even the best. It's what I've settled on as appropriate and agreeable to me for where I am in my practice right now. But I'm open-minded enough to explore other approaches such as Sivananda and Iyengar. Especially with respect to the other limbs since Guruji's a bit sparse on these (in Yoga Mala) and I've not come across anybody who writes about 'greater yoga' as beautifully as Iyengar. India should adopt that marvellous Japanese tradition of declaring individuals as 'Living National Treasures' - Iyengar and Guruji qualify.

Darby Days 2 and 3

2006-03-13T17:11:00.000-05:00

Darby's never going to forget me; apart from being the only guy in the class of 22, I succumbed to my first ever yoga injury on Saturday right in front of him and he was quite concerned. It was the afternoon session on Saturday - we were going from 3:30 to 9:30 pm with an hour break in the middle.

Darby decided to have us work on backbends. Since we were going straight into them outside of a practice, he wanted us to warm up with a few back-bending asanas. I recognized none of them - they weren't Ashtanga poses at any rate. During one of these, I lay, back bent over a block, arms reaching out past my head with hands together in prayer, and my legs straight out in the other direction, feet in kinda Setu Bandhasana 'Charlie Chaplin' style. I lay perfectly still in the pose for a few minutes and then he had us come out. It was at that point that I realised I had lost all feeling in my left arm. I guess I'd pinched a nerve or something. After a little while we went into a series of Surya Cs. I couldn't raise my left arm more than a couple of inches from my side. Eventually, some motion came back and I was able to raise my arm but then when I tried bringing it down, it would crash down limply. I gave up on it and sat out the afternoon. Darby reckoned I'd get it back slowly by the end of the evning but added ominously that if it didn't then 'we were in trouble'. Nice.

I became a spectator for the rest of the afternoon. Which was a pity - it was a fine time for asanas. The sun was hot on us through the big windows - which were open for probably the first time this year. Slowly I could sense the feeling ebbing back into my arm - I had a numb spot on the meat of the palm below the thumb and another up at the top and outside of my arm (it's sore now - and I'm happy about that. It's progress - because 'soreness' is at least a sensation, a feeling).

I admit I was internally freaked out about my weird injury. Slowly though that got downgraded to merely bummed out. By the break at 6:30 I hadn't done much. But the evening would improve; During break most of the class filed out of the studio to get refreshed at the multitude of yoga-friendly places on the Danforth strip. I stayed in the shala - I had brought a bag of oranges and apples; I couldn't imagine eating anything heavier in the middle of a workshop.

Darby stuck around as well so we shared the fruit and talked for about hour. It lifted my spirits - here I was, given a rare chance to shoot the breeze with the only certified teacher in the country - one of Guruji's first western students no less.

I asked him the Ashtanga question in my mind lately: 'Is it really still worth going to Mysore - I mean you get no attention and it's just so crowded'. He responded that it was definitely worth it. Here's the gist of what he said: The energy there is incredible. You go there to be amongst the like-minded and to soak up the enthusiasm and commitment of the people who've gathered there. And guruji is something else - he has an aura about him. It's almost beside the point that you hardly ever get adjusted at AYRI - you go there to build the proper samskaras - by being alongside devotees who, for example, go so far as to stop eating around 2:00 pm for the sake of their asana practice. It relit my enthusiasm. Then we talked about other stuff - India and how it's changing for example; He went to India in 1979 and fell in love with it. According to him Indians still have a 'spiritual energy' about them (though perhaps not for much longer) that is largely lost in the West.

In those early days, he said 'we felt it was crowded if there were 10 or 12 of us and sometimes it was just me and my wife with Guruji'. We talked for a good while like this and I enjoyed our conversation - and got more out of it than I did the actual asanas that day.

When we reconvened at 7:30 we spent some time in discussion about basic principles - chakras, bandhas and so forth. He had a cool analogy regarding the moola bandha; Say a doctor's got a pill and it'll cure absolutely any disease or ailment- absolutely any illness - except there's a catch; it doesn't work if you think about monkeys. Well, a doctor wouldn't hand it out to a patient and say 'Here take this...and oh yeah don't think about monkeys'. When Darby started practicing, Guruji never even mentioned the Bandhas. You don't do your asanas continually thinking about whether you're getting the Moola Bandha or not. You just do your asanas and not worry about it. It just come on it's own as you work on your practice.

He also mentioned how the practice varies for him day-to-day and how he teaches it. For example he sometimes leads a class through a practice consisting of simply 108 Surya Cs (I asked why 108? And he told us the story of Shiva and Sati). He called it a wonderful practice and talked about how you can see peoples eyes just glistening and shining afterwards. After we got through talking theory, we went through some of the seated poses before wrapping up for the evening around 10 pm.

The final session was 2 hours - from 7:30 to 9:30 on Sunday morning. It was almost as though we'd been building up to it all weekend - a full vinyasa primary practice. It was intense and sweaty. I'm coming out of a bout of flu so it was extra hard work - but wonderful nevertheless. Darby's a bit of a comedian though; he made us work harder in Navasana by stopping to make really slow announcements on upcoming workshops (in the Yukon) and telling jokes. He also 'threatened' us with a slow 108-count for Tolasana - but it turned out to be just 25.

All in all, it was a memorable, enlightening and inspiring weekend - and loads of fun.

Darby Day 1

2006-03-11T08:47:00.000-05:00

Last night I had the first of my three workshop sessions with Darby. I almost didn't go because I'm sick with a cold again. I felt miserable in the morning but as the day went on I felt progressively better and decided to go.

It was very different from Lino's workshop that I attended last November. Lino's was basically a led practice with stops every now and again to focus on common problem areas. Darby on the other hand is going through this asana by asana (and in the case of Surya A and B, breaking down the asanas into their components) and focusing on establishing correct alignment and ways of opening (for example in the hips or lower abdominals) to get further into the pose. It's about details - the correction position of hands and elbow in Chatarunga or the state of the neck in Up Dog, or the hands in Down dog for example

There was also a lot of subtle insight on the 'focus' of an asana - for example, a reminder that in getting into Ardha Badha Padmottanasa, it's about 'the hip not the knee' - the point is to open the former to facilitate the pose and to not put undue pressure on the knee in doing so.

Whenever a question came up about really little details, (for example somebody asked how far up do you want to take the hands in Parsvottanasana), he asked, rhetorically 'What is the fundamental point of any asana?' Answering himself, he said, to open the body (and particularly the chest) facilitate breath. Breath is the key, the fundamental premise being that asanas are 'meditation in motion'.

On a lot of details he said 'it depends' on the teacher. He frankly admitted that poses vary from teacher to teacher. Jenna mentioned she got corrected by Lino in Prasarita Padottanasana C when she went down palms out (and so did I). Darby actually insisted on us doing it palms facing in. Why? Because if we're still relatively new (meaning we've only been doing this for a matter of years rather than decades), then palms in makes it easier to open the chest and facilitate breath.

I enjoyed it and am looking forward to today's marathon 5 hour session. Darby's a Montrealer but originally an Aussie - one thing I found remarkable for somebody who's been teaching so for so long and has his own shala is how hard he found it to bring the class to heed him; we'd break up into pairs to try stuff and after a while there'd be chatter, the way there is when you've got a room full of 30 people the overwhelming majority of whom are femail ;-P . Then he'd go, very softly 'ok now if I can just get your attention for a moment, I'd like us to move on to....' and nobody would pay any attention. One such time I was sitting on my mat cross-legged leaning back on my arms, waiting for whatever was coming next and after trying to get everyone to listen, he just looked down at me and we both started laughing. It was odd. Because when the focus was on him, as when he had us gathered around for a demonstration, the room was totally captivated by him - you could hear a pin drop (and you had no trouble hearing his softly spoken slightly-Aussie voice).

Beyond the yoga. It was my first time in the Danforth Yoga Sanctuary - I've been to their College location a few time (in fact I got introduced to Ashtanga there). It's a classic urban North American shala - nice to look at - the typical wood floor and very old exposed brick - and looking out from it's corner unit to the constant stream of traffic of a major thoroughfare (in this case Danforth Avenue). It's on the third floor juxtaposing oddly with a Brazilian Steak restaurant and bar on the second floor.

At the ground level entrance, one set smoke cigarettes (presumably after devouring their meat) while another set pass through carrying mat bags and Nalgene bottles. A brunette acknowledged me as I walked past her and into the building (with mat bag and Nalgene bottle), and after I passed, I heard her say to her friend, 'I feel bad now. I'm eating meat and smoking cigarettes and he's doing yoga'. I looked back and we both laughed.

I also have to take back some of the things I said about yoga 'fashion'. Go ahead. It's hard on my yoga and on my drishti in particular, but damn it's all so good to look at. For someone who practices at home 99% of the time, the inside of a typical yoga studio is freakin' revelation.

As for myself, I found yesterday that, while I don't care what I wear practicing at home (since nobody sees me), as much as I'd like to, I can't replicate that indifference in a public space. I looked a bit scruff in my black Old Navy shorts and ripped orange T. I want new gear.

Crap of Some Young Guy

2006-03-06T20:14:00.000-05:00

I took a rest day on Saturday morning but to be honest it wasn’t a ‘planned outage’; On Friday, I just felt like staying up, having a beer and watching a film (the excellent ‘Lord of War’) and so Saturday morning asanas got blown out as a I felt, (word of the month here)…crap. Feeling guilty, I later spent the afternoon mopping and vacuuming the house and baking muffins and granola bars (go figure). What the hell kind of ‘guy’ have I become?

Sunday morning, however I did practice, but it was an utterly crap practice – the result of being persuaded by everybody else to eat out. My daughter’s choice was ‘China Palace’ (on Derry at the 427 just north of the Airport) – a family favourite, they serve ‘Indian-style Chinese Food’. Though I’ve enjoyed eating there over the years, more and more, I’m out of sync with what the rest of my family wants to eat and China Palace is a case in point – my body seems increasingly to rebel against it. As for the place, the staff is Chinese and so is the décor (or faux Chinese I guess – you know what I mean, tacky gold coloured plastic stuff with red tassles etc), but the sound system pumps out bollywood and hindi remixes. The place only seems normal to us because we’ve eaten there for years. If you’re wondering, we had Pakora and Spring Rolls to start and then Vegetable Pad Thai, Manchurian Vegetable, Chili Tofu, Yu-Shiang Broccoli and Vegetable Shanghai Noodles. Cognizant of the damage I was doing to my next practice, I at least eschewed pilsner in favour of ice water.

It turned out to be a late meal and its impact on my practice the next morning was devastating. By the way, my daughter who has a cold, hardly ate and what she did eat, she threw up on the carpet, sobbing as I tried to get her into pyjamas. Instinctively, I knew going out (and to China Palace of all places) was a bad idea as we had walked out the door, but just going along with it was the path of least resistance (and path of least resentment) so I took it.

I was in a pretty lousy mood Sunday and, ironically, felt pretty resentful. Spurs won, which soured my mood further. I spent the day trying to keep to myself – taking advantage of the sunshine and (barely) positive temperature, I washed and cleaned my wife’s car. Imagine that! Her car! I had to. It was getting embarrassing. When it comes to cars, I think the so-called ‘generally received wisdom’ with respect to men, women and cleanliness/tidiness needs to be turned on its head.

Went into the office today so that meant a 4:00 am practice. After the madness of last week, I was determined to start the week off right and went to bed early – just after 9:00. But poor Diya seems to have caught her sister’s cold and was up at 2:30 am wailing like, er, a sick baby. My wife had her so I tried to kinda sleep and wafted in and out of it until my alarm went off at 4:00. I loitered for 15 minutes before jumping to it.

Practice itself was ok but I just seem totally screwed up these days. I’m sore and stiff; I find twisting particularly hard. And tired, above all else, I just feel tired - whacked – physically and mentally. When’s the tide going to turn?

That makes 9

2006-03-03T21:48:00.000-05:00

I've practiced nine days in a row (including moonday where I practiced by not practicing). As it turns out I guess I was right to skip practice on Tuesday morning - it being the closest practice to Monday's new moon. The morning was hectic so I ended up practicing after wrapping up work around 6 this evening. It's been ages since I practice so late. This late in the day I'm ever so close to binding Mari D (unassisted). I tried something else today - I wanted to see how close I could get to doing the handstand vinyasa between Navasana, just for a laugh. I've always imagined that this is the one detail of the primary series that would evade me in this lifetime. I tell you...I came pretty close to actually doing it. A bit more strength in the abs and arms and I'd be up. Remarkable.

I'm booked for Darby's workshop next weekend. He's only one of two certifed Ashtangis in Canada (his wife Joanne being the other). I jump at these chances to practice with the highest calibre teachers - they provide an intensive opportunity to fine tune a home practice that I fear would otherwise veer into all kinds of wrong directions. I just can't get to a Shala regularly so this is my best alternative.

It was a rough week and I'm glad it's done. I'm looking forward to the weekend and practices 10 and 11.

Finally. I have to say this. I've never had much time for the self-centred porcelain princess; the fragile and psychically traumatised chick who seems to have a self-induced crisis every other day (usually accompanied by some public drama). I knew a girl like that in Grad school - we were even close friends, but my 'insensitivity' (as she saw it) ensured it wouldn't last. I didn't even need to open my mouth - the roll of my eyes and the look on my face betrayed my sullen indifference. Sometimes I wanted to take her over my knee and spank the living daylights out of her. My advice to her and her kind remains the same - get a grip. I'm glad my wife's not like that - but then she wouldn't have been wife if she were. End of rant.

Just had to get that out. Normal service is now being resumed.

Detoxed

2006-03-01T21:42:00.000-05:00

So when was Moonday anyway? Some websites said Tuesday but one authoritative source called it Monday. I opted for Tuesday. I don't think it really matters. I had to practice Monday - I couldn't sleep so what else was there to do at 3 in the morning?

I've had a really really rough week. I went to bed at 10:30 Sunday but never fell asleep. I gave up trying at 2:45 am and hit the mat. I had a pretty good practice and then drove into the office. (Guess what? Even the 401's pretty light at 5:30 am.) Slowly as the day wore on the weariness took it's toll and I had to pack in work early - around 3:30 pm. I had a massage therapy session booked to deal with some tightness in my left shoulder (14lb baby girl worth of tightness), and while I was in no mood for it, I kept it. It was deep tissue - the hardest pressure I've ever known and the first time I have ever come close to asking for it to be taken down a notch. I was macho about it though and persevered. I got up 45 minutes later feeling pretty good but by now totally Cream Crackered (that's cockney rhyming slang) - realise here that by now I haven't slept in some 40 hours). I somehow managed to drive home and pleaded to be excused from the fine meal my wife had put together and crawled into bed at 7 pm after a really really hot shower. Mindful of the need to take in a lot of fluids after that freaking massage, I guzzled a couple of glasses and filled a litre bottle for the bedside.

Though I got up frequently to hydrate (and er, the opposite of hydrate), I woke up feeling no longer tired but nevertheless still totally messed up - I had a pounding headache and pain in every corner of my body. Still in bed, I grabbed my laptop from my bag at 8 with the intention of letting people know I was out for the day. But instead, having logged on, I saw the 'red pile' in my in basket and felt compelled to wade through it. I struggled with work until noon (still in bed though - amen for high-speed wireless), drinking lots of water and eating just a couple of kiwis and an orange. Finally I packed it in at lunch; I was hungry and made the terrible mistake of eating leftover vegetarian chili. And now, struggling with a stomache ache on top of my other ailments, I took two more extra-strengths and gave notice to the rest of Big Blue that I was done for the day.

I still had the headache. No. I still have the headache. It's faint now, but let me check...yes...it's still there. I feel much better though. Really I do. The rest of me has stopped aching. I must have swilled at least 6 litres of water in the past two days. I'm hypothesizing that this was all an intense detoxification.

But I still have no explanation for the Sunday night insomnia - It's a malady with which I'm unfamiliar. I had a rare cup of coffee on Sunday afternoon. Afternoon! That couldn't be it eh? Funny that. A few years ago I drank a litre of coffee a day without much consequence (that I could tell anyway) - black without sugar. It was my drug of choice. I gave it up last year (as a statement of commitment to my Yoga actually - coffee being considered rajasic and generally to be avoided). I suffered two weeks of intense withdrawal and then had maybe 10-15 cups all year. This year so far I've had maybe 3 or 4 and have found myself enjoying it less and less. I could barely finish the cup on Sunday. Instead I've moved to Tea - The very occasional cup of chai (drunk as it is in most Indo-Anglo-Canadian households - in a big mug as though it were coffee), and my new drug of choice, Green Tea - but just one or two small cups tops.

I don't think I'll be drinking coffee anytime soon. I'm developing a definite aversion to the substance I once loved. One more aspect of Yoga taking hold perhaps.

That makes 4

2006-02-26T00:31:00.000-05:00

I can't seem to get up before 7:00 am without the alarm. I'm going to bed at 10:30 - 11:00, so that means I'm generally sleeping 8-9 hours a night! What's up with that? Maybe it's restorative - the past couple of months having been so hectic, tiring and sleepless.

Anyway, the important thing is that I practiced this morning so that's makes four days straight. I could feel the sheer sloth weighing down on me as I lay in bed and I really had to fight the demons to get on to the mat. But at around 9:30 am, in Savasana, with the bright sun streaming onto my face I felt great - I'd like to bottle that feeling and take a small shot whenever the lethargy takes hold. If I could recollect that victorious sensation as I got up I'd have no problem getting onto the mat.

You should see the day we've got here in Southern Ontario - bright cloudless blue sky and the ground covered in blindingly white powder. It's -13c outside but gorgeous.

I can't go to New York for Guruji's tour stop for all kinds of reasons. But I've found a consolation - Darby's coming down from Montreal to the Yoga Sanctuary in March and I'm signing up for a 10-hour weekend workshop. I'm looking forward to it - my asana practice needs a bit of a kick up the backside and this fills the prescription. The focus will be on 'positioning', alignment, breath and technique. On the whole, I'm skeptical about 'deconstuctionism' in asanas. I can't imagine focusing just on backbends or 'how to float in your vinyasas'. Getting direction as I'm going through a practice - as with Lino and Tina back in November - is great and really helps but I can't imagine spending an afternoon, say, on backbends or 'floating'. But then I can't really judge as I've never been at any such workshops.

I got my passport this week. We did my daughters' as well while we were at it. Check out Diya's hilarious mugshot. When I handed it over to the guy at Canada Immigration and Customs office, he laughed and pretty soon it was being passed around the place. She's growing way too fast.

3-day streak

2006-02-25T15:50:00.000-05:00

I can't remember the last time I practiced 3 days in a row - but today made it 3. Lately I seemed to have practiced every other day or with the odd two-days in a row or the two days off.

The poses haven't suffered primarily because even though I can't call it a daily practice lately, I've still been on the mat at least 3 days a week. Indeed, over this rough patch I've even consolidated a few things. Mari C-2 is now solid - what was once impossible is now a firm fixture in my practice regardless of what time of day it is. I could drag myself right out of bed at 5, fall straight onto the matless Berber, and when I got to Mari C I would not even wonder whether I'd get the second side. It's sorted. It's well sussed. Now it's time to work on getting Mari D (unassisted, first thing in the morning, without stretching).

No, I don't stretch. I don't see the point.

Reports of our death...

2006-02-21T16:40:00.000-05:00

have been greatly exaggerated. 0-1 to the ARSENAL

Day of Reckoning

2006-02-20T23:32:00.000-05:00

Arsenal have the biggest game of their history tomorrow. It couldn't come at a worse time - injuried plagued and shorn of confidence. Out of the domestic trophy hunt and languishing near mid-table they go to Madrid to face the biggest team in the world.

Why does sport have such enormous pull on us? So much misery and elation over a game - even if it the 'Beautiful Game' as Pele so memorably called it. It's at once amusing and enraging to read the 'pundits' (what an outrageously bad use for that fine Indian word?) who have written our obituary. A beautiful new stadium and all this careful accumulation of precocious talent. Are Arsenal finished? Destined to spend years in the football hinterland overshadowed by Tottenham Hotspur? No effing way.

I've felt pretty miserable lately (and not just because of my football team - not everything is about Arsenal). I feel stretched (no not in the 'asana' sense' - though I been pretty good and constant on that front). I feel tired and jaded. I usually wobble through January and February - but this year feels particularly hard. To be fair. it's not just the weather. Then what is it? Well it's everything. Why can't it all stop just for 5 days. I'm waiting for Spring or maybe early Summer. When my wife has gone to visit her parents in London with the girls, I'm going to steal away with a canoe, a few incidentals and my mat to Algonquin. But I really shouldn't wait - I need to invest in a parkah or get myself a new snowboard and start making the best of this fine northern climate of ours.

What was it that Bilbo said? Something about 'too little butter scraped over too much bread' or some such. That's how I feel.

Oh yeah and don't our girls rock? An aggregate score of 42-2 on the way to Gold. That is just amazing. Too bad we didn't get Team USA in the final.

Early American Yogi

2006-02-13T21:10:00.000-05:00

The title is a reference to Ben Franklin whose autobiography I'm currently just about finishing. I don't know if he was actually aware of Yoga - it's probably asking a bit much of even him (although another New Englander, Thoreau living only a half century later knew and loved the Bhagavad Gita). Regardless, Franklin's philosophy is definitely imbued with the ideals of yoga. Most of all, his idea of 'virtue' - for him it is something decidedly lacking in dogmatism. He believed that all faiths have at their core a set of virtues that none would find objectionable, and that the truest form of worship is to be found in the service of humanity. That might sound uncontroversial and simple to you or I, but they are breath-taking statements that imply that God can be reached through any faith. That's rare wisdom today. But in a man of his modest origins, living in the 18th century American colonies it's stunning.

Quite apart from the philosophy he expounds, the narrative of his life and accomplishments, public and private make good reading. Wisdom, Honesty, Integrity. Application. He's rightly revered.

As for my practice. I'm just coming off a nasty cold that had me off the mat last week. I was back on it this weekend though. Again, I find satisfaction in that even in the 'worst of it', I don't go 7 days without a practice. And then again who can say I wasn't practicing Yoga when all the while I've been reading Ben Franklin

The Price is Right

2006-02-06T19:04:00.000-05:00

I once saw a Cantaloupe being sold for about $70. In Tokyo of course. It was immaculate , the stem trimmed into a perfect 'Y', it rested on a bed of tissue in a decorative box. Still, even Oprah would consider that a bit steep. But is it 'objectively' speaking 'too' much? Well, if it was, they'd rot on the shelf and the shop's not going to let that happen. Somebody's obviously willing to pay the price, so the price must be right (note that we are not considering the underlying issue for a $70 cantaloupe - the extravagent protection afforded to Japan's well-connected farmers).

Now let's take AYRI. Even if you live in Canada (with it's newly robust and influential 'petro-currency'), 26,900 rupees is pretty steep for a month of asanas (and I emphasize asanas because as far as I know there is no formal instruction or guidance on the other seven limbs) - after all, I can get a month at one of the authorised teachers in Toronto for less than a quarter of that. But can you say it's too much? Maybe not; after all, the place appears to be packed to proverbial rafters most of the time. Lower prices would just result in an ever-growing waiting list. The price appears to be what the 'market will bear' and therefore, in the only objective sense I know of, the price is probably right.

I guess up to me to decide. I do like cantaloupe though. Asanas too.

72 hour Moon day

2006-02-01T09:31:00.000-05:00

For various reasons at home and work, Moon day become a three day break from the mat. January was like that - I probably averaged 3 practices a week. But there's some goodness in that. There was a time a couple of years ago when a cutting out practice for a day was bad news and would inevitably lead to several weeks off the mat. Not just that, but I wouldn't feel particularly bad about it. Now, if I don't practice for two days in a row, I can feel my conscience tugging. It's not so much guilt, but rather as though it gives me wry smile and gentle 'come on son, get on that mat'.

That my 'troughs' are narrower (and presumably shallower) suggests that my sādhana is taking hold.

As for my practice, it was none the worse for the 3 days off; a little stiff in the opening poses but otherwise, everything was as good (or bad, depending on the pose!) as it was on Saturday.

Last night driving through town, I passed one of several churches with those lit signs - the phrases on these boards sometimes appeal to me and sometimes don't. Yesterday I saw one that reminded me of my practice - "Live simply so that others may simply live". It struck me that there probably isn't a faith that would have qualms with that; it seemed a universal aspiration.

Room with a View

2006-01-27T19:03:00.000-05:00

I spent the first two night of the week in Niagara Falls at company retreat/education event called Blue Horizon. Everything at my company is either 'Blue Something' or 'Something Blue'. We have an internship program (Future Blue), a company directory (Blue Pages), powerful supercomputers (Deep Blue and Blue Gene) - get the drift? This is naturally Niagara's slow season and we were pretty much the only game in town - the Town even honoured us by lighting the Falls Blue for 15 minutes on Monday night.

My room had a decent view (see picture) of the 'US' falls from the balcony. Unfortunately, being on the 5th floor, we couldn't see more than the rising mist of the more spectacular 'Horseshoe' Falls. Not that we had much time to enjoy the view - a few minutes in the morning before heading down to a working breakfast was pretty much it. These are fun but tiring events - workshops, working lunches, working breakfasts...and then when you finally get up to your room at 11:00 pm you're online checking email or meeting with colleagues to manage issues; Monday night five of us pow-wowed on an issue until 11:30 pm in my Architect's room before tuning in to the CBC to watch the Election results - you should have seen the view he had from the 18th floor!

My room was big enough for me to put down the mat for a full practice - and I dutifully got up at 5:30 to practice. Waiting to check in on Sunday night at the lobby I had my yoga bag on one shoulder; what a great conversation starter it is. At work, I am now known for 3 things (apart from my reputation as a rising star and the stellar quality of my work ;-) ); 1. Being vegetarian, 2. Practicing Yoga, and 3. My fanatic support of Arsenal Football Club.

I missed the girls though. Just two nights an hour from home. Imagine 2 months halfway around the world!

Mourning In Canada

2006-01-25T22:31:00.000-05:00

OK, so maybe that's a bit over the top. The truth is I'm pleasantly surprised at the resilience of the liberal core; become jaded, careless, a bit arrogant after 12 years in power, run a hopelessly inept campaign in front of voters ready for any kind of change...and still after all that, come back with 105 seats - just 17 fewer than the Tories. It says something about what the Liberals accomplished in power and it is a very strong base with which to rebuild.

Also heartening is that together, the progressive parties took 67% of the popular vote and hold 60% of the seats in the house. That will give the Tories something to think about if they're looking to put forward a conservative agenda.

Honestly, I wish the new government luck. May they govern well. When all's said and done this is still Canada after all. How conservative can they really be eh?

Timeout Please

2006-01-18T22:50:00.000-05:00

A common theme is science fiction is that magical stopwatch that stops time. I need one of those. I'd just like to make everything stand still for a couple of days so that I can sleep, chill, meditate, and collect myself before starting things back up.

Time is at a premium these days for me and while I've got a dozen things I want to get down into this blog, it's the sheer lack of time that keeps me from doing it. It's the sheer business of my job, being a dad and a husband and a responsible householder that keeps me fully occupied. I wouldn't trade any of it. No. I just want a brief timeout.

It's occurred to me that going to Mysore would be such a timeout. I'd be stopping the clock on my life as I know it. If I have doubts about whether Mysore will happen they're all to do with just that though...can I live without the 'stuff' that makes up my life for such a long time? I don't mean all the mod cons of course. I mean the girls. Everything else I could manage. India's no big deal. I spent over year in there in the 80s - so 2 months in 00s would be a cinch. Could I manage that kind of solitude?

The thought would not have occurred to me a decade ago. There was a time when I was my own favourite company and I could (and did spend) days at a time in virtual solitude meditating, reading, thinking. Now, after 8 years of being a dad and a husband I've gotten used to the bustle of it all.

Everything else is sorted. The money's there, I've got my manager's buy-in to take the 2 months off, my family's ok with it. The only thing in my way is me. Apart from all of the above, I wonder if it's even worth it. Is it really all that? Know what I mean. For a bit more than the four grand I reckon I need for Mysore, Neera and I could do a great 3-week tour of India with these guys, never mind all the other things I could do with that kind of money like put a fantastic natural water feature in my backyard or finally 'do' my home office. I could have these things and keep on practicing my asanas everyday.

Anyway, I'm getting my passport sorted out (what's the opposite of a procrastinator? I have 10 months before I'd go). The Canadian one expired back in 2002 or something. I'll probably even get my UK passport renewed while I'm in the mood for such things as it expires in April. I stopped feeling 'English' long ago (and I never really felt British); it's a 'flag of convenience' that eases my way out of Heathrow when I need it. I still like England, and London will always be my hometown - it just feels more foreign everytime I visit.

I talked to my Mum and Dad last weekend. They're getting set to head south. Nice way to travel; they have a driver chauffering them around the country. When the distance to their next destination is too long, they fly, while the chauffer drives there and picks them up

Dad: Where's in Mysore is that Yoga place you're always talking about? We might go visit it.
Me: Why?!
Dad: You've talked about it so much that we're curious. So we might check it out

So if you're reading this in Mysore and you see this vaguely anglophile-looking bloke in his early 60s loitering outside the Shala looking decidely out of place in his khakis, bush shirt and Tilley hat, smoking a pipe. You know who it is.

Time to vote

2006-01-14T12:01:00.000-05:00

I'll be casting my ballot tomorrow in advanced polling as I'm out of town for work on Election day. The governing Liberals are looking set to receive the political equivalent of a game misconduct penalty and maybe it's just a well. 12 years in power might have had people looking for change anyway but with the taint of scandal and an election campaign of indiscipline, arrogance, ineptitude...and now sheer desparation (with some pretty vicious negative advertising), unless the polls are massively wrong the question now is whether we're looking at a Conservative majority or minority. To their credit the Tories have run a largely high-minded campaigning. They've tacked to the centre and have seemed to have convinced many Canadians that they are moderate and progressive.

Time for the Grits to renew and revitalize...on the opposition benches. For me the question is pretty basic. After briefly considering parking my vote with the Greens, I've decided to stay red. Are we better off than we were 12 years ago? The answer for me is unequivocally yes. I'm voting Liberal.

New York?

2006-01-09T19:19:00.000-05:00

So it appears that the big guy is coming to New York. I am quite tempted to make the trip down but it would put a terminal hole in my embryonic plans to go to Mysore next winter because I'd probably need to take a week off work and the plan is to save all my vacation until the end of the year for the Mysore trip. But then again maybe not - depending on what kind of schedule they keep at the workshops, I could work remotely as it's a safe bet that we've got tons of mobility space down in our New York offices. We'll see.

Mum and Dad have been in India for almost two months now - it's been all North so far but they're now planning to make it down South - on their itenerary, among other places, are Bangalore, Ooty and yes, Mysore. It's my Dad's first trip to India in almost 40 years - he says it hasn't changed much; it's just dirtier and more crowded. But he says he's 'fit right in' - it feels to him as though he'd never left. They're spending most of their time with my Dad's brothers - three of whom have just moved to India from the UK, Kenya and the US to retire in Gujarat. They've each bought new ocean front cottages near Valsad in Gujarat. These apparently only put them back a paltry 25K US plus a few grand to make alterations suiting their tastes. Makes me want to get a place - maybe further south though. I've told Dad to check it out - I could do with spending my holidays up at 'my place in Ooty'! Ooty properties are probably already to steep (no pun intended - it's a 'Hill Station') but one can dream.

Back to the here and now. After last week's chaos, I've been back to my asana routine with 4 straight practices. The last two have been remarkable - like some switch got flipped or something. I'm at a loss to explain it. My practices on Friday and Saturday were remarkable only for my having done them at all. But yesterday and today were something else - a few things that are usually impossible have become possible and even easy. Meanwhile the rest has been deeper and better. Maybe it's just the latest 'tipping point'. I've seen them before. You practice and practice with no perceptible progress and then suddenly one day you make that move up one gear.

Into Love

2006-01-07T11:18:00.000-05:00

Well I'm back to the mat - Friday was rough after six days off but this morning was much better. Nothing to report in breakthroughs lately except I have the very real feeling that my poses are getting deeper and deeper. I caught my wife gaping at me unbelieving and round-eyed in routine Mari C a couple of weeks ago - "It's really coming along eh?" She said. I smiled thought to myself "Chill baby, it's only Mari C"

Moment of Non-Attachement: If you recall I put a big dent in the side of one of our cars a couple of days ago. I'm not as bothered by it as much as I might have been in the past. I cursed when I heard and felt the grind - but I think that was more out of the surprise it gave. But I forgot about it completely and when I came back to my car and saw the dent I actually laughed. I've noticed tangible examples like these of non-attachment beginning to take hold. Or then again maybe I'm talking bollocks - it could just be I'm richer and no longer phased at the prospect of dropping a grand or two to fix it. But I don't think so - I really don't care about this kind of stuff any more.

I'm taken lately with one of my new CDs - Love's 'Forever Changes'. It's extraordinary and I'm astonished it has taken me so long to discover it. How many other old obscure gems are there out there. The band reminds me of my favourite Stone Roses - surly, rude and reluctant geniuses giving the industry (and to some degree even their fans) the finger (or in the British band's case two fingers) and both having imploded before realising their massive potential. And there's more than a passing resemblance between the personalities of Ian Brown and Arthur Lee - the two bands' front men. Anyway I'm listening to the album now and too distracted by it to continue this blog. Later.

A Rough Start

2006-01-03T15:38:00.000-05:00

I was reluctant to see the back of 2005 – a stellar year for me at every level. I have to wonder what 2006 holds in store…because it’s off to a bit of a rough start; late nights on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day (4:00 am on both nights) have resulted in late mornings and tiredness, which in turn have kept me from my asanas - I have yet to hit the mat in 2006. And of course because of these late nights my routine’s messed way up - last night of I couldn’t get to sleep. Insomnia’s a novelty for me – something that I experience maybe once every 6 months and which normally involves taking 10 minutes to fall asleep instead of the usual 1 or 2. But yesterday I finally fell asleep around 3:30. My alarm was supposed to go off at 4:00 am for my asanas (and I suppose it must have), but of course in my state I slept straight through it. The baby’s wailing served as a backup wake up call around 6:30 - so no asanas again this morning (that’s 3 days straight now) as I needed to get into the office. Having made it across town in one piece I conspired to screw up parking the car, scraping into a concrete column in the parking garage as I made a routine turn into a space. I had scraped a big dent into the door. Nice.

The rest of my day has been in much the same vein – inept. Fortunately things are still a bit quiet for a couple more days. I just hope my ineptitude does not rub off on my favourite team as they have a big game tonight. As for myself, I’d like a ‘do-over’ – rewind back to 1 January and start again.

The holidays were good though. But exhausting. I’m the sort who needs to cram activity into any spare time that comes up. So a vacation from work is an opportunity to put up new light fixtures, painting the family room and my daughter's bedroom and start a new indoor garden (producing 2 lbs of fresh produce every week with my new automatic sprouter) - in between all the socializing. Still, I did take the time to kick back and watch some football, take in a few DVDs, and enjoy some 'new' additions to my CD collection (new in exclamation marks because the albums I got were - Forever Changes, Astral Weeks, and Led Zeppelin I). I was also on the mat most days - excluding my recent truancy. Between the socializing and the 3-month olds tendency to get up every three hours I didn't get as much sleep as I would have liked though and I feel a bit tired.

For 2006 I have no new resolutions except to 'stay the course'...get some sleep and back onto the mat asap.

Why it's Pasta Time Again

2005-12-23T12:34:00.000-05:00

Ah, the vagaries of being a vegetarian at Christmas time. Last week a colleague booked reserverations for a lunch to see off another who's leaving the program for a new engagement. The guy made reservations at 'The Fish House'. Ok now, stop laughing. He didn't know I was a vegetarian and was very apologetic, but I didn't kick up a fuss; Toronto's restaurants are outstandingly vegetarian friendly; I've gone to steak houses, crab shacks, bar & grills and enjoyed good, creative (and even imaginative) quality veggie fare at such places. So I looked forward to it along with everyone else.

So of we went to The Fish House. The extensive menu was provided. So much variety I thought. Looks promising. I started at the top on the front panel. Six panels later and I'd just read through beverages and desserts - they were the only vegetarian items on the entire menu! Maybe there was one garden salad but apart from that it was all veal, chicken, beef and of course, lots of fish. No token tortellini, nor even a simple stir fry. I was annoyed. I know it's The Fish House but that didn't stop them serving hamburgers or chicken. When my turn came to order I offered up to the waiter a wry response: "Well I don't know buddy, I'm a vegetarian and I gotta say, I'm really spoilt for choice". This prompted laughter from our party. The waiter said they could do me anything on the menu without the meat or fish (which conjured up for me an image of the cook asking the dishwasher to fork out and help himself to chicken in my lunch before sending it out to me). I forget what I ordered - I just pointed to the first thing I saw and said "I'll take this without the fish". Of course, taking out the fish, didn't keep them from charging me the full price. So I won't be going there again. The project executive leaned over to me and said "We'll find some place nicer for our team Christmas Lunch."

And we did; we had that on Wednesday at Carmelina's - an Italian restaurant just behind our Canadian head office in Markham. The orange and red pepper bisque to start was outstanding. The main course vegetarian option was a Primavera Penne Rigate (pasta again!). But it was good and the vegetables were very fresh. The wine was ok. And I made an exception on my year-long coffee embargo for the dessert - an excellent home-made Tiramisu. And so ended by year at work for 2005 for that was my last business of the year. I spent the afternoon getting a massage (trying to use up my benefits for the year!) and then came home to take my daughter to her school's Holiday 'Concert and Craft Event'.

And now I'm on vacation until 3 January. I enjoy my work but really need this time off - apart from the two weeks I took off when Diya was born in September (which was hardly restful) this is my only break from work this year. I intend to kick back with my girls, watch Arsenal, read, take in a few movies, entertain, maybe (finally) paint the nursery and insulate the garage. Sweet.

Un-yoga

2005-12-19T19:48:00.000-05:00

Like Joey, I've been digging into my copy of the most recent edition of Namarupa (which given the demand for it, I'm considering flogging on ebay - heh heh just kidding). The interviews with 'The Next Generation' are particularly interesting and I'm especially taken with Prashant Iyengar's take on things yogic. He mostly restrains himself throughout the article but every so often he lets down his diplomatic guard and fires off something strident. Here's an example that hit the right note for me and the way I'm thinking lately about the 'Journal' masses these days...

We cannot expect that millions are practicing real yoga just because millions of people claim to be doing yoga all over the globe. What has spread all over the world is not yoga. It is not even non-yoga; it is Un-yoga.

There you go. What's going on in the guise of Yoga is not just the 'absence of yoga' but rather worse than even that...the opposite of Yoga. I remember wandering around the floor at the International Yoga show just over a year ago and thinking it was all just too much. We all need to wear something at practice, we all need a mat...but do we need to have those clothes and those mats - or a different outfit and mat for each day. And yoga socks? Why on earth would I need yoga socks?

I'm not for that. I practice in shorts I bought five years ago for something like $12.00 - Darby and Lino have both adjusted me and they didn't have anything to say about those shorts. They're not even real shorts (let alone yoga shorts) - I actually think they might be for swimming. Having said that, I did come to yoga for its physical benefits - the exercise of asanas and the diet and lifestyle implied by yama. And it was because I didn't see the physical benefits coming fast enough that I switched to the rigour of the SKPJ style. The rest I only opened my eyes to later. Indeed, I've only been delving into the Gita and the Yoga Sutras for just over a year.

So maybe there's hope. The optimist in me thinks that Yoga isn't in fact being trivialised by Western vanity and commercialism, but rather that the asanas and the paraphenalia it requires are the metaphorical Trojan horse' - the seductive tool that opens the door for the other more 'subversive' elements that assault the ego and subdue its materialist mindset.

TGIMD

2005-12-15T13:35:00.000-05:00

I tell you, it's a monumental struggle for me to get onto the mat these days. It's like this every winter. Feeling rested after a good's night sleep, I lie in bed staring into the darkness waiting for my alarm to go off - the supposed clarion call beckoning me to mat (there's never the thought of voluntarily jumping onto it). It too cold and too dark - how can you do a Sun Salutation when the Sun's not coming up over Ontario for another couple of hours?

By the way, a white Christmas is now a dead certainty in this part of the world. We are to get 30 cm of snow between now and Saturday and as I gaze outside my study window I can tell you that it's coming down now. A lot of shovelling for me then. I wouldn't want to shovel snow everyday but I enjoy it well enough. The snow changes all the acoustics and there's a muffled, coddled silence about the place; especially out here where we are, in the near wilderness - only the sound of your shovel scraping along the driveway, the crunching of the powder under your boot, the sound of your own breath, and just occasionally, the quieted whine of a skidoo flying by on the lane running alongside our land. It's a welcome excuse to get outside at a time when I really need one.

Back to the asanas though, inspite of my inner struggle, I'm still getting up to practice pretty much every day...but with massive reluctance. Today though, I was up way too late to practice - but I decided to fit one in during lunch. After changing though, I remembered how bright it was last night and so I checked my calendar. Of course, I saw that it was indeed a Moon Day. Great timing. I skipped Tapas intact - and instead of practicing, I'm writing this.

Quite apart from asanas, this time of year really challenges the entire practice. Our house is full of Nanaimo Bars, fruit cake, red wine, and swiss chocolate. And all these parties! My company is having a children's party this Saturday - 1,000 kids are expected! I'm taking our 5 year-old but we have to leave early because she has another party immediately afterwards. And then we're off to a holiday dinner at my uncles' in the evening. That's all we seem to have done on weekends for the past four or five weeks - eat and drink. Well, I see it as an opportunity to exercise restraint and control - to build strong positive samskaras. Sigh.

Details

2005-12-12T22:01:00.000-05:00

I did my graduate degree in International Affairs, majoring in Political Economy, training to be a diplomat at pretty much the only Canadian school where you do this. Alas, after an internship during the winter of 1994 at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, I found the prospect of a career in the Diplomatic Corps too bleak a prospect to contemplate. My goodness, it didn't even pay well. So I needed to figure out where to go next. I did what I usually do in these situations; I went Japan. I've spent about four years there on three stints. Japan punctuates my adult life - intermissions preceding decisive turns in the plot.

This time I'd been offered an 18 month scholarship to finish researching my graduate thesis (American Foreign Direct Investment in Japan: The Economic, Socio-Cultural and Political impediments - in case you wondered) at Hitotsubashi University in Tokyo. It was a sweet sinecure. I was supposed to spend the first six months beefing up my Japanese at the Tokyo University of Foreign Studies - intensive language training - before going on to Hitotsubashi to do research and course work for the remaining year. But I somehow managed to finish my thesis early - before I even left for Japan. In fact I'd already graduated!

So I was free to do what I wanted. Thousands of kilometres from home in vibrant Tokyo, unattached (I wouldn't meet my wife to be for another year), and with money to burn. I drank too much Suntory and occasionally woke up in strange places. I did the most pointless things - like climb Fuji-San. If I got tired of Japan, I jumped on a plane and came half-way home to Whistler, to smoke-up and snowboard for the winter. Yoga wasn't remotely on my horizon. The scholarship paid like a good job - except I didn't have to work. Instead, I had more than enough time to spend my yen - which I did. It was 1995, I was 25, and I worshipped Bacchus that year with some fervour.

Lead us not into temptation but deliver us...

2005-12-04T10:33:00.000-05:00

from that big bag of Doritos.

On my way back from the office Thursday night I stopped for a few groceries - soya milk, dried figs, bran flakes, apples, whole wheat rolls were on that list. I felt peckish and I knew I had at least another hour and a half on the road, so to that list I added the aforementioned bag of cheese nachos. I got in the car and before joining that majestic 16-lane stream of red and white called the 401, I opened it up. I had finished most of it by the time I got home. The sad thing is I still had two bowls of vegetarian chili and two pieces of garlic bread when I got home. I just can't stop eating right now. Must be the sub-zero weather.

The past week was a hard one on my Yoga. Apart from the nacho breakdown, on the asanas front I only managed 3 practices; granted we had a moonday, but that still means I skipped three days. Not that bad I hear you say, but what is more disconcerting was one of those days (Friday), I failed to practice because I pretty much 'didn't feel like it'; I was up in time but I felt sleepy and tired and had work on my mind. And, as usual, it was cold. So I just crawled right back into bed for 30 more minutes before getting up and making an early start on work.

Work and family life are my general excuses for my negligence of the last week but of course, they aren't valid ones. I still haven't got to the point where I will consistently do at least some practice when I don't have time for a full one. My attitude is still 'all or nothing'. I back this position up with the argument that my real problem is that I can't find at least 90 minutes in a day for my asanas and that's the issue I need to deal with. If I settle every now and then for some condensed or abridged version of my practice, then that'll be the thin end of the wedge and pretty soon I'll be using all kinds of excuses (like my job) to do a short practice all or most of the time. So for now, my target is 90 minutes every day. I need to make the rest of my day accomodate this - that means proper food and adequate sleep.

Besides the lack of asanas there was also precious little study - actually none.

Anyway I ended the week well with a good early practice on Saturday. And I've started the new week with a fine practice and a genuine breakthrough - Yoga Mudra. It's been a long long time coming. It bodes well for the week ahead.

All I want for Christmas...

2005-11-29T17:48:00.000-05:00

is a Liberal majority. But more on that later.

For now though, consider the thought that life's a lot like football; your ability to execute with quality waxes and wanes for reasons too subtle to understand. There are times when all you touch turns to gold; it doesn't matter if you catch a cold, or if you have a hangover, or if you didn't get enough sleep, or you're eating crap - none of these things keep you from navigating through life (or a game) with aplomb. Then there are other times when it all goes pear-shaped for days on end with no apparent reason - inspite of you doing your level best to put in a top class performance.

Well, I can feel myself coming out of a trough right now. At work, the prospect of a downhill cruise to Christmas is a distant memory as I've picked up new responsibilities - the workload's heavy but I'm enjoying the challenges of these new projects with their different applications and customers. I feel as though I'm oozing confidence and quality again.

In keeping with this, 0n the mat I came off a two-day hiatus (induced by hectic social agenda) to enjoy a fine 90 minutes of asanas this morning. We've enjoyed a warm break in the weather during the last day or so and this certainly helped.

I haven't enjoyed any breakthroughs in my asanas for some time - except maybe one - my jump-throughs look good; my legs come cleanly through between my arms without touching the mat, and into a straight-legged sit. Sure, my legs are crossed going through and it's all premised on a low profile (like a cat readying itself to pounce). I'm not sure if it's legit and it's certainly not the 'crazy-ass' jump through a la Swenson, but it's still pretty good.

In other news we're getting ready to vote in Canada as the opposition brought down the Government last night in a confidence vote. The first time it's happened in 29 years. I used to be a political hack in my undergrad years - a Vice President of the University's Liberal Party Club. I majored Political Science and History and was passionate about the issues. I once even debated Senate reform with the current Prime Minister - while we campaigned together on his first (and unsuccessful) run for the Party's leadership in 1990. When the Grits crushed the Tories in the 1993 election he was the automatic choice for the Finance portfolio and the country's enjoyed prosperity largely due to his leadership in the file.

Over time I've become cynical and disinterested. But the prospect of losing what we've gained over the decade has shaken me out of complacency. To me the choice is clear and obvious. The lowest unemployment in 30 years, 8 straight years of budget surpluses, 60 billion in debt paid down, a strong dollar, a strong economy and low interest rates. We are not in Iraq nor will we ever be. Instead we are now one of the handful of countries that allows people to live and love on their own terms. We've chosen a different path to that of our neighbour and long may it continue. I'm voting Liberal. I may even get out onto the hustings because Paul Martin deserves to lead this country.

See ya mate

2005-11-25T21:37:00.000-05:00

The Best

1946-2005

Curing AIDS on your Herbal Tea Break

2005-11-22T18:15:00.000-05:00

Yes. That's right. You can help to cure AIDS on your herbal tea break - and the beauty of it is, the longer your break the more you will have helped. Check it out at World Community Grid where in a somewhat Yogic manner, many become one.

Today I am feeling fine. I feel only a bit of discomfort where the missing tooth once was (particularly when I swallow). On the serendipitous side, this whole tooth business has lead me to rediscover oatmeal - try this: combine 1/3 cup rolled oats, 2/3 cup water and a dash of salt. Microwave on 'Medium' for 4 minutes, stopping to stir halfway (make sure your bowl is big enough to keep the oatmeal from boiling over). When done, add a large dollop of apple sauce, a tablespoon of brown sugar (or artificial sweetener - but you've done 90 minutes of asanas so you actually deserve brown sugar), a couple of tablespoons of sliced almonds, and a small handful of raisins. It's really good (particularly early on a November morning anywhere in Canada). And it's sattvic to boot.

My condition, having improved overnight, did not get in the way of my asanas this morning at all. I was up at 6 and practicing at 6:30. I've been regular as ever in my asanas but it's been a few days since I last got into some Yoga reading - maybe I'll spend the evening reading Iyengar tonight - what a contribution he has made to bringing us the other 7 limbs of Ashtanga. Yes. Ashtanga Yoga - because all yoga is really Ashtanga Yoga.

Pain in the Mouth

2005-11-21T23:58:00.000-05:00

Saturday I practiced on our hardwood floor and enjoyed a better practice for it. In particular I noticed how much easier it is to execute jump throughs on a hard floor (which seems obvious now). Today I was back on the carpet upstairs behind closed doors as I was starting practice later (6:30 am). But the jump throughs were still good.

Afterwards, I showered and dressed for an 8:30 Dental appointment - a routine checkup/cleaning followed by the not-so-routine extraction of a wisdom tooth. Dr Chan said it wouldn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it would. The lying bastard. Worst of all was the 'pulling' sensation - I could hear it in my mouth; it sounded like the cracking, creaking sound of a falling tree.

There's not much pain in my life. Physical or otherwise. I live a charmed existence. My life could be used as a story line in Bollywood movie because nobody would believe it. So when sharp pain comes, it feels unusual. Not so much unwanted or difficult (although obviously I like everyone else would sooner not have to deal with it) but more like out of place. It's almost a novelty. A splash of ice water or a smack in the face to shake me temporarily out of my seemingly choreographed story and bring me back into the harsh realities of everybody else's world.

Gamely I worked through the day and after waiting for my five-year old to get home from school, and my wife to come home from the grocery shopping (sometime around 6), I crashed until 10 or 11- I had a strange dream that, for once I recall, although somewhat patchily. I was pushing a car with two other people - strangers, a man and a woman - I suppose it had broken down. Anyway, we got to wherever it was we were supposed to get to and then I puked the soup I had for lunch (I had vegetable soup for lunch but the puking was only in the dream). I got up to find myself dropping bloody spit onto my pillow.

I was begin to hurt again and I felt hungry (the psychological effects of my dream-puke perhaps). I had a grilled cheese and a bowl of Heinz CoTS - trying to work it through the good side of my mouth. It'll be interesting to see if I manage a practice tomorrow morning.

Practice and Theory

2005-11-19T09:53:00.000-05:00

I am surprised that so many people take SKPJ so literally when he says that Yoga is 99% practice and 1% theory. And then it reaches the heights of absurdity when someone works out the arithmetic - and decides that they need to spend 54.54 seconds on theory.

All SKPJ was actually trying to convey is that, by and large, you don't learn yoga by watching it or reading about it. No doubt you benefit by watching the masters, but learning yoga is a matter of doing it and living it.

And what is theory in the context of asanas? It is studying watching the adepts and learning from them; it is knowing the names of the asanas, understanding their benefits, their composite vinyasas etc. The theory of Yoga is not the other seven limbs. Yoga, despite the way it's perceived in the public consciousness, is not just the esoteric sequence of contorted poses that we spend 90 minutes on every morning. In fact it is not even primarily this. Most practioners I suspect realise this to be true deep down, but how many Ashtangis actually take it to heart? It is so ironic that a system of asanas given the name (for better or worse) Ashtanga has so many practitioners who are as obsessed with asanas as they are oblivious of the other seven limbs. That needs changing.

Brew Moon

2005-11-15T22:37:00.000-05:00

I took the day off work as I had to take Dhara, my 5 year-old daughter to Sick Kids Hospital downtown. It's an annual ritual for us. Mine today as my wife was housebound with our baby girl. We made it a fun time in spite of the rain that has come lashing down all day. Doing crafts together at the Hospital's excellent facilities, having a leisurely lunch in between her appointments - today was her special day and I wasn't enforcing any rules; we had her favourites - French Fries, Ketchup (in my daughter's hands it is no longer merely a condiment), Mango Juice and a Tim Horton's Donut with Sprinkles on top.

When my wife was 27 weeks pregnant with Dhara, a routine ultrasound revealed that one kidney had ballooned - it wasn't functioning (or at least draining). They had to operate on her in utero. One evening in November 1999 I saw something akin to a miracle at Mount Sinai Hospital downtown Toronto as a Doctor, using the ultrasound as his only guide drained that left kidney. I saw it shrink in grainy black and white as he pulled syringe upon syringe of fluid. All the time we knew that there was a chance that this would induce labour - obviously not something one cares for at 27 weeks. But we had no choice. We just bore witness and prayed. This is why we come to the hospital - to keep tabs on that left kidney.

Fast forward to November 2005. She's five now. She has two kidneys - one works and the other does not (and happily, one is usually all you ever really need). She's perfectly healthy and normal (normal that is apart from her precocity - yeah I know I'm her Dad but really she's a spark). I give thanks every time I look into her big brown eyes.

No Asanas today as it's moonday and I've carried a migraine with me since I woke up. I got fed up with these headaches and started to keep a log to suss out the cause; I've had two since I started keeping it. Both on a full moon. The only other commonality was the beer I had the night before - just one bottle of Upper Canada Lager - it's a quality premium beer (now) made by Sleemans. I tried it at a neighbour's a couple of months ago for the first time in years and enjoyed it so much I bought some the next time I was at the LCBO (I don't recall if I suffered a headache that time). So, something in the brew? Or something in the moon? Or maybe both - a case of Brew Moon if you will.

Back to the home practice

2005-11-12T08:07:00.000-05:00

Last weekend was perfect - my best time in ages. Apart from the workshops, we had family visiting from New Jersey and for the whole weekend the house felt like a bustling B&B - there were 12 of us altogether and plenty of energy, fun, food and drink.

The football was grand as well. Arsenal looked classy beating Sunderland on Saturday - it looks as though they're finally back in form. And then on Sunday, Manchester United beat Chelsea in one of the best games that I've watched as a neutral in many years. Chelsea's loss 0pens up the race a little. Just as importantly, They were 40 games unbeaten - getting close to Arsenal's record of 49 games which is now safe again. Nor, obviously, will they go undefeated the entire 38 game season this year - as Arsenal did in 2003/2004 and in the process earning themselves the sobriquet 'Invincibles' - the only team to have ever achieved the feat.

As for the week that followed. It's a time of transition at work. My latest project is ending with the application seemingly stable in Production. The hard work is done and it's cruise control until Christmas. I spent much of the week completing 'End of Job' evaluations for my architect, BAs and developers. I plan to take some time off and squeeze in some education.

Back at home on the mat, with all the rooms taken up with our guests, I didn't get back to practice until Wednesday. When I did get onto the mat, it was strange - almost as though I had never been to the workshops at all. Gone was the sweat and the intensity. Out of habit, I suppose, I practiced in my usual spot - the 'bonus room' and I realise now the soft carpet under my mat and rug soaks up too much of the energy. It's the 'bounce' of a wooden surface reacting to and resisting my vinyasas that I'm hypothesizing makes it the harder practice. Starting tomorrow I'm going to practice on the hard maple flooring of our living room - which for now is bare and perfect to practice on (providing I get up early enough to avoid the household bustle).

My planned Mysore trip came a step nearer this month as I broached the subject with my manager. In truth she was quite taken with the idea and seemed genuinely fascinated and encouraging about it. We considered my options; probably I'll tack my vacations for 2006 and 2007 together and take another 2 or 3 weeks off unpaid. That will give me the two-three months I'm looking for. At this point I can't afford to take the 6 month unpaid leave of absence that my company allows - one day I will though.

On the subject of going to India, I'm driving my Mum and Dad to YYZ in about 5 hours. Alitalia takes them to Mumbai and beyond via Milan for a 5-month odyssey.

Lino's Workshop - Day 3...or how I got Mari D!

2005-11-06T22:19:00.000-05:00

Last night I remarked that I wouldn't get Mari D in two lifetimes. It wasn't a throwaway comment either. I believed it. But I feel daft now because I bound it on both sides this morning at the workshop - it took some firm but gentle adjustment from Tina ...but still, I thought it was beyond me forever...with or without adjustment. I was just gobsmacked when it happened - and I'm still a bit taken a back it. There was one other improvement that I'd normally be screaming about but in comparison to 'getting Mari D' it barely merits a mention - I lifted my legs off the ground in Kurmasana; the hard floor probably gave me the leverage to do it. I'm definitely practicing on a hard surface from now on.

Today was day 3 of the workshops with Lino. I have to say that the whole thing has woken me up - it's changed my notion of what my practice ought to be and could be. Friday was great and each subsequent workshop yielded new things that have improved my practice enormously. I understand now that supplementing my home practice with shala time is no longer just an option.

It was a Mysore practice today - my first with a certified teacher. But even though I was moving at my own pace, it was just as intense as the previous two workshops; I was just as soaked and fatigued afterwards - so there's no apparent reason why I shouldn't be able to carry this intensity home with me. I just need to be vigilant of the creeping sloth.

Before the practice began, I bought the book I had Lino lay away for me yesterday. I told him he 'must' to sign it and he kindly obliged - but his inscription is doubly unreadable since, firstly it's in Italian...and secondly, I'm guessing even an italian might have trouble reading his penmanship - but it looks cool and elegant nonetheless. The book itself is a beautiful addition to my yoga library - in both form and substance. After practice I thank Lino and Tina and told Lino that he had to come back to Toronto soon. He replied with mock seriousness 'No you must move [to Rome]!'

Lino's Workshop - Day 2

2005-11-05T19:18:00.000-05:00

Driving through Toronto's a lot easier at 8:00 am on a Saturday morning. Yesterday I worked from home and driving into town (on a Friday at 4:00 pm) for the workshop was an effing pain. I took a couple of wrong turns but somehow I still managed to get there 15 minutes early. Even so I had to settle for rolling my gear out in a corner, quite far from Lino. Tina - Lino's partner was walking around making adjustments.

Today I got a spot right in front of Lino. Practice felt easier today and I was glad that yesterday's exertions hadn't left me too sore - some 'sweet pain' in the back and hips. Any more than that and I would have been seriously disappointed after some seven months of daily practice.

Lino's himself, is a pretty hilarious. Every so often, he stop us after an asana and tested us; 'How many vinyasas in that Asana?'; or 'Which is the vinyasa of the asana?' Sometimes we understood the question but didn't know the answer...and sometimes we just didn't understand the question. He has brought a few copy of the book he wrote under Guruji's guidance - there were only two left today and I asked him if he'd save me a copy since I didn't have enough cash on me (and I figured he wasn't taking Mastercard). He obliged.

Guruji, he laughed, called the book an Ashtanga 'dictionary' because it catalogues the asanas systematically and breaks them down by vinyasas. Lino was proud that Guruji thought enough of the book to offer it in the AYRI bookstore. He joked that people 'accused' him of being the author, but he doesn't take credit; according to him he just took notes while Guruji spoke. He said that at the time, he didn't really understand what Guruji was telling him, he just listened, nodded and wrote.

Somebody cheekily asked him whether Guruji spoke in Italian or whether He spoke in English when they were doing the book. He replied that they understood each other fine because they spoke the same language - 'broken English'.

As for the practice, Lino adjusted me just once - Salamba Sarvangasana (Shoulderstand); pressing my elbows in with his feet and straightening my trunk and legs - I guess I must've been getting a bit lazy. Tina came by a bit later and sorted me out in Karnapidasana as well - interlocking my fingers (all I knew about that pose I got from Swenson's book - and I did as he apparently instructs and keep my hand palms down flat).

Tomorrow's the last day - I've got a Mysore practice...believe it or not, it's my first ever with a certified instructor.

Lino's Workshop - Day 1

2005-11-05T07:10:00.000-05:00

I have been badly out of form the last couple of weeks - on and off the mat. I feel tired and jaded. On the mat that has expressed itself in a practice that's stiff, lazy and distracted. So this workshop with Lino has come at a good time.

When I signed for it, I failed to realise that doing both the Friday and Saturday workshops would mean two practices barely 13 hours apart, but they've been booked and paid for therefore doing them both.

I'm about to set off for the workshop in 20 minutes or so. Here is my encapsulated thought on last night though: "WTF have I been doing all these months?!". I was absolutely exhausted at the end, my shirt was soaked in sweat which also poured incessantly in stinging streams into my eyes. It's not news to me that there is a difference between my practice at home versus in a studio. I last practiced in a group about a year ago with Darby and noticed it then, but it still came as a rude shock last night. And we weren't even going through non-stop! We only did 3 Surya As and B, we only did 3 Navasanas and he kept stopping to provide us guidance and correction - yet I was so completely spent at the end that I had to rest for half an hour before driving home.

That said, it was phenomenal. My apathetic asanas of the past fortnight were forgotten and I had a excellent, enlightening time on the mat. It was my first evening practice in months, and with a certified teacher I was bound to take it up a notch or two, still I surprised myself - for example, by binding Mari C part 2 effortlessly, by interlocking my fingers behind my feet in seated poses, by finding my nose tucked in neatly between my knees in forward bends, by thrice executing fine chakrasanas

I noticed more mundane things as well. It never ceases to amaze me that asanas I can do easily are so much trouble for people who can do other asanas than I find impossible. It's odd that we are so different in our strengths and limitations after so much practice. How is it that people who can do Mari D perfectly struggle with the seemingly easy Baddha Konasana or Pindasana or Sirsana?

The wood floor was tough as well. Usually my mat/rug combo are there to provide firmness under me, but last night they were provided a cushion against that unforgivingly hard surface.

As for Lino, he was typically Roman - expressive and funny but still, paradoxically, very serious.

Happy Diwali!

2005-10-31T17:26:00.000-05:00

I never got the point of daylight savings time - sure the 'extra' light's welcome in the morning...but I need it at night too. This morning though, I saw the point because at 6:30, for the first time in some weeks, I was indeed offering salutations to the sun in it's presence as the day was breaking.

Yesterday however, I had skipped. We were up late overreating at relatives and I had work early Sunday - we were deploying some big fixes into Production ahead of our go-live tomorrow.

I had hoped to practice later in the day, but friends made an unexpected (but welcome) visit to see our new daughter. And then we had pumpkins to carve in the evening; we carved two - both of which, for the first time, we had grown ourselves. We just lit them a couple of hours ago (pictured left). The girls are all dressed; one daughter is dressed, like pretty much every other five year-old girl on the continent, as one of the half dozen 'Disney Princesses'. The other is dressed, or rather, has been dressed, as a clown.

We decorate for Halloween extensively - more for the fun that it brings our daughter than anything else since we don't have too many visitors; we live in the remote countryside on a street of 13 homes. We know all our neighbours well and several of us have children about the same age who have grown up together in the 5 years since the homes were built. We all go out 'Trick or Treating' together - visiting only the 13 houses on our street and then ending the night at one of our homes with the kids playing together while we have a drink or two. Tonight we're starting the night with a few drinks as well - at our place. A good thing tomorrow's a Moonday.

On this particular Halloween, the home is lit up more than usual as it's Diwali. So let me end by wishing you Salmubarak - A Happy New Year! May the new year bring you contentment, prosperity and that illusive asana you're struggling with. Oh to have been in India tonight!

Derby Day

2005-10-29T11:30:00.000-04:00

I realise now what last week had been all about. I was detoxing. Slowly after the excitement of Diya's birth, normalcy was returning and my usual lifestyle and diet was beginning to reassert itself.

I've had a good week. Busy at work and I almost clocked 60 hours. But my practice took it in stride - my asanas were better and I even managed to get in some reading. I bought a digital copy of the Mahabharata at Amazon last week. (Don't you just love technology? $1.99 for an 400 page ancient classic - available immediately. No shipping. No driving to bookstore.) It's a very early translation that is true to the sanskrit original - neither abridged nor embellished. There's no attempt to make the document more 'accessible'. It's like the translators said, "here it is, take it or leave it." The result makes for surprisingly compelling reading.

The first few pages are admittedly tedious; one section just offers paragraph after paragraph of names - a list of ancient names of those who fought at Kurukshetra. And in another section the entire story is given away and completely foretold. A western reader might be dismayed and taken aback, but fate and inevitability are constant themes in Hindu mythology and nobody should ever have any doubt as to who wins in an Indian struggle of good over evil. So what if you know how it's going to end? Was there any other way for it to end?

I was up at 6 this morning (early for a Saturday). The North London Derby was on at 8 and I wasn't going to miss it for anything. The result was a 1-1 draw and in the circumstances, I was pleased. Spurs are off to their best start in a decade and we (Arsenal) are having our worst - and they still couldn't beat us on their patch. A decent, if not perfect start to a beautiful Saturday morning - you should see the stunning day we're having.

Vegetarian's Delight

2005-10-24T20:34:00.000-04:00

Toxic. That's how I feel. My asanas have been poor the last week. It's gotten very cold suddenly (we even had a couple of inches of snow Sunday night) and it's now pitch blackness at 6:30 am. I'm finding it hard to get onto the mat and when I do, I'm stiff as a board.

Also, some of my negative samskaras have retaken hold of me. Diya's birth was a 'weak spot' - up all hours and short on time, I took short cuts. In a word, I regressed. French fries, chips, coffee, donuts, maple walnut danishes. Banished for the first 9 months of the year and I felt brilliant. But those deeply grooved habits are cunning - your guard comes down in a moment of weakness and they are back in just like that. Now, slowly I'm beginning to wean myself off.

Also, lately I've been laying in and on weekends my practice often doesn't start until 9 am. The resulting asanas are poor because I'm fretting about stuff that I need to get done or distracted by the commotion in the kitchen made by the rest of the household who are by this time well and truly up.

I'm also going to bed later than I'd like. Admittedly I'm doing things that are worthwhile (like reading The Sutras or other worthwhile books or articles. Last week I wrote about the Genographic Project - I spent a lot of time watching and re-watching the DVD I was sent with my participation kit and 'browsing' (as they would say in Mysore) the website. All quite worthy of my late evening time to be sure, but not without adverse impact to my early morning poses.

Beyond this I've been feeling crap physically. Headaches - the usual curve through the left side of my head starting behind the eye, curving behind my ear and down my shoulder.

Yesterday was keeping with the recent 'badness'. We put an application into Production - the work of a team of 15 or so starting back in April. Six of us went into the office to 'stickhandle' the deployment. Afterwards the three of us (who weren't moslem and therefore not fasting for Ramadan) went to the Chinese Mall across the road to celebrate with lunch. I felt pretty nasty later on - all I could eat for supper was an apple and a kiwi fruit. One of my colleagues took the day off sick and another was also out of sorts. I think they fared worse than I because of the beef. I, of course, stuck to what were apparently vegetables - the 'Spicy Eggplant' and something called 'Vegetarian's Delight'. We soaked it all up with this chinese bread that resembled fresh uncooked pasta in rolls the size of tennis balls. It tasted great and we cleaned up, but in retrospect it was all terribly unwise.

My Distant Ancestor...

2005-10-20T20:20:00.000-04:00

lived in East Africa some 60,000 years ago. He himself was descended from a woman who lived some 150,000 years ago. They are your ancestors too; the Human Genographic project reveals that all modern DNA is inherited from these two people. I've become fascinated with this project - it's a partnership of the National Geographic Society and the company I work for. The idea is to use modern technology and the computing power it offers to draw detailed conclusions for the first time on how our species populated the planet and how they evolved as they did so.

All of us are ultimately African - our ancestors ventured out of that continent after the last Ice Age. As they made their way across the planet in different directions, their genes mutated periodically leaving a genetic trail - markers which are inherited by us that reveal exactly how they made their way to where they ended up. The project uses the DNA of the few remaining indigenous peoples as 'signposts' against which our own more 'scrambled' DNA can be compared to draw these conclusions.

I've even chosen to participate by offering my own DNA to the global research database that they are developing to delineate this migratory history. In return I'll get a detailed analysis of my personal DNA - I'll learn about my own ancestors and their genetic and physical journeys.

We're all cousins separated by just 2,000 generations. That's all. We are one people. It's a mind-shifting fact that irrevocably alters that way you think about the world. Concepts like 'Race', 'Nation' or 'Country' are rendered utterly meaningless.

What does this have to do with my practice? Well Yoga does teach us to see humanity, or even all existence, as one. But for me today, the connection is banal; I stayed up late watching a fascinating documentary that the Genographic Project sent me with my DNA Sample Kit. After my late night I got up feeling tired with a headache. This affected my practice which was consequently a sorry affair.

I still practiced. More to the point, I wanted to practice.

Congratulations Thierry Henry

2005-10-18T16:46:00.000-04:00

186 Goals for Arsenal Football Club. He is now the Club's all time leading goalscorer. Well done mate. He scored two in Prague tonight. In a year that is shaping up to offer little for the Arsenal fan, there is at least Thierry Henry. Now if only he'd sign that contract and stay on past 2007.

To change the subject completely, we're eating lot's of beets these days (which as it happens are the same colour as Arsenal's special commemorative shirt of this year - see picture). The harvest is in and we have more beets than we know what to do with. I quite like them but if I'm completely honest, I have to admit that the main reason for my eating them is a sheer fascination for the consequences (you pee red). It just goes to show you...boys may get bigger but don't ever really grow up.

As for practice. It should have been moonday today. Yesterday I was up at 3:45 and would happily have practiced. Today I struggled out of bed at 7:00 with the left side of my neck screwed up. Still at least I practiced eh?

13 Months to Mysore

2005-10-16T17:41:00.000-04:00

There's a lot to be said for starting one's planning early...but this borders on the ridiculous. It comes from anticipation and excitement more than anything else. I guess my first job is to get my passport(s) renewed - the Canadian expired in 2001(!) and the British will expire this April - I may need these anyway (since the Americans may be asking for passports at the border starting next year and I sometimes need to travel there for work) so this gives me reason to get on with this.

It occurs to me that there a couple of ways I can do this trip - use my vacation or keep working - or do both and stay longer (although I can't see myself being able to bear anymore than two months away from my family). But I already work from home 80% of the time so if I can find a top-end apartment with reliable highspeed 24/7 internet access and telephony I could conceivably work while I practice at AYRI - I figure I could even work a few of those 'real time' - say 6-10 pm Indian time. But it's too far off to think about right now as I don't know what kind of engagement I'll be working on then.

I also did the math last night; I reckon CDN $5,000 will cover me for 2 months - the flight, fees, rent, food and incidentals like a scooter and miscellaneous travel...and it still leaves a grand as contingency.

As for my practice in the present; I've had two good days. Yesterday was an early start as I promised to take our 5 year-old to the zoo. We had good weather and the walking was a good workout; the Rouge Valley in which the zoo is located was decked out in stunning fall colours. For some reason the animals she wanted to see most were vultures, snakes and crocodiles. She saw plenty of the last two...but not the vultures). When we visited the ostriches she asked me why they weren't running (I guess all those cartoons and nature shows have her thinking they constantly motor about at 80 km/hr). We both found the llamas hilarious - they weren't doing much...just the look they have on their faces made us laugh. The mara and the golden lion tamarin take the prizes in the 'cute' category.

But back to the asanas - Yoga Mudra I almost have now. I can grab both toes but lose the grip on my right as I bend forward. Apart from that nothing else to report - although I'm doing a better job of holding my bandhas these past few weeks, having made a concerted effort to focus on that aspect of my practice. As much as I've enjoyed my practices these last couple of days, moonday comes at the right time as I need to go into the office tomorrow; it's a busy week ahead as we start UAT and prepare for going into Production next weekend.

Mysore...as in...me in.

2005-10-14T22:20:00.000-04:00

The long hours, late nights and early mornings caught up with me this morning; I got up for the 4:00 am alarm, turned it off and was too tired - it was the easiest and most obvious decision to make. I slept until 8:30 at which time I decided to shower and get to my desk - that made 9 hours of sleep. I must have really needed it because I usually can't sleep more than 6.

In a way, I'm glad I missed practice. I've been too obsessive. It would do me some good to skip every now and again. I'm even considering putting in a rest day and going to six days a week. The law of diminishing returns surely applies to asanas as much as anything else and I sometimes wonder if practicing everyday is too much. Anybody know? Am I supposed to skip a day? They do in Mysore after all.

Speaking of Mysore. Yes. It's true what I said yesterday. I am now planning to go. This depends on what the schedule for the Shala is next winter (i.e. 2006/2007). I'm looking at a two month visit over Christmas - December and January. By straddling my visit that way I can use two years of vacation back-to-back requiring me to take only maybe another two or three weeks of unpaid leave. Getting the time off shouldn't be an issue; provided I give enough notice I should be able to manage my engagements.

I decided on this last weekend. We had Thanksgiving and for once, we were neither visiting or having visitors over the long weekend. Nor were we busy about the house. So I spent the time thinking hard and reading - mostly about the practice. I delved into Light on the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali again. I also got into some of what my fellow bloggers were writing (by the way, I found this current Mysore blogger that isn't on Asthangi.net). And then I read Yoga Mala and thought about Guruji. That's when I knew that if I didn't go as soon as possible, that I might live to regret it later.

Then I raised the idea with Neera. Predictably her response was 'Yeah, go for it. You have to do this'. We've talked before about the idea of us all going when the girls are older. But I know now that I can't wait that long and Neera doesn't practice (at least yet). Who knows? Maybe we'll go again when the girls are older and when Neera is practicing. But I need to do this now - even if it means doing it alone. Maybe I'll ask my brother if he wants to come; I did my first asanas longer after he did his, borrowing an earlier edition of this from him. But his approach is still 'on and off' and I think I've passed him somewhat. Besides when I've broached the subject, he's mentioned that he wants to get his asanas to a certain level of competence before going.

So now comes the excitement of thinking and planning for the coming pilgrimage. I've at least given myself enough time eh? Where do I start? I guess the ezboard. Does anyone know what the Shala's schedule is next winter? ;-)

Lino is coming

2005-10-13T21:01:00.000-04:00

Miele that is, to Toronto, from Rome. I've signed up for 3 workshops that he's doing the weekend of 4 November at http://www.catfishyoga.com - aren't those guys on the website cool? I think so (though you'd never catch me doing that with another guy - leave alone put pictures on the world wide web). It's just a bit too camp for my liking (not that there's anything wrong with camp). Call me immature or underdeveloped but that's just me. When I went to India I had hard time with the 'guys holding hands thing' - you'll see what I mean when you get there. I'd meet up with a friend and he'd shake my hand...but then not let go and then maybe he'd even start slowly to swing his hand. It wasn't a comfortable predicament for a 13-year old North Londoner. There you were looking like a pair of 4 year-old girls feeling right daft.

But back to Yoga. Admittedly the fact that I do Yoga at all would be considered effete by some guys. I don't think of it as that - ok at 19 I might have offered a macho snicker at the idea -but not now. While classes up and down the country are dominated by women, that to my mind just makes it a pre-occupation with tremendous fringe benefits for guys (single, of course). It reminds me 0f when I went to Quebec on a 6-week French immersion course back in Uni. We were outnumbered 3 to 1 - this had much to recommend.

Well, that was a tangent wernit? Anyway I'm fortunate to work for an enlightened company - they're paying for this workshop - we get $200.00/year for stuff like this - led exercise, courses, smoking cessation, weight loss etc. It just needs to be of a finite duration and led by a certified expert - and Lino's certified by the big guy himself.

And what of the practice lately? A late night at a corporate event on Tuesday made it a 20-hour day (I'd gotten up at 4:00 am that morning to practice). This made practice a non-starter on Wednesday (admittedly the 4 Heinekens didn't help either). In anycase, I needed to be 'up and at' my work before 8:00 am so practice was never in the cards. However I made up for it this morning with a fine job on the mat (and so my practice streak is now 1 again). It's not quite a breakthrough but Kurmasana was good today; my legs are close to sitting straight on my shoulders - and I think I even managed to lift my right foot off the ground momentarily.

What else? My wife and I had the 'Mysore' discussion this weekend. Basically it's now on the agenda and I'm now planning to go in the near term. More on that tomorrow.

Thanksgiving

2005-10-10T11:33:00.000-04:00

Thanksgiving has been my favourite holiday for some time. If probably goes back to undergrad when it provided a brief respite from the fall schedule. And it certainly has a lot to do with how beautiful Ontario is at this time of year. I bring to mind countless crisp sunny blue-sky days cycling through wooded avenues turned orange, yellow and red in London or Ottawa. Or hiking thorugh Gatineau (sure, technically Gatineau's in Quebec). How stunning must Algonquin must be about now? And it's just as good to stay inside eating, drinking and wearing warm things.

Thanksgiving's spirituality hasn't been compromised by the materialism that say Christmas has. And unlike that holiday nor is it overtly religious - it's a holiday for all. We give stop and give thanks...to whomever it is we feel thankful to and for whatever we feel thankful for.

Anyway, it's Thankgiving here in Canada so I raise a virtual cup of warm herbal tea your way and wish you well - may you have as much to give thanks for as I do.

As for practice...I feel creaky. The cold weather has come and I was stiff as board this morning. I had warmed up after Surya Namaskar, but there was no persipiration whatsover. Pretty soon I'll be practicing in a sweatshirt). I was done hours ago but still feel stiff at the knees and in the back. (My daughter has just sat beside me wearing my sweater - she's five so you can imagine what that looks like - and now she's reading this blog. She asks me 'You're feeling creaky?').

6 months of Daily Practice

2005-10-08T14:08:00.000-04:00

I'm about 6 months into my daily practice - since April I reckon I've missed about 15 days of practice. Speaking of 15 days - that's my current 'streak' of non-stop practice (not counting Moondays).

I had a remarkable week of asanas; remarkable first of all that I practiced at all given my workload right now. It was always going to be a busy week as I was coming back from two weeks off. I put in about 55 hours and needed to be in the office 3 days - so that's another 6 hours I spent commuting. In spite of this I practiced every day including three 4:00 am practices.

I can't really prove this but my ability to keep practicing through the hectic periods actually improves my performance at work...and it's not just the physical stamina that the asanas give me, There's something else - something mental or maybe even spiritual. I seriously buy it - I actually enjoy the challenges my work throws at me and I reckon it's because of my yoga. I can't put my finger on it though. It's just a feeling. Sure, I'm calmer, more balanced and have a better sense of perspective. Of course I'm able to work harder longer. But there's something else - I'm just simply better. I hear and see things better. My concentration and focus is better. I grasp the situation better, I think better and articulate myself better.

Back to my practices - they were good ones this week. We've enjoyed an Indian Summer in Southern Ontario and the mornings have been warm. I sweated and my poses were deep. In terms of breakthroughs I had a minor one - my head to the ground for the first time in Upavishta Konasana A. I wish I'd taken some kind of video diary over the past six months so that I could look back and see how far I've come in my asanas. I know I'm not supposed to be concerned with my progress but I can't help but note that the progress has been fast and steady since I went to a daily practice.

I'm still thinking about austerity by the way. I'm playing with the notion in my mind and working out what it means for me. For me it means circumspection and economy rather than self-deprivation. An austerity is to eat and drink simple food moderately rather than to starve. So I'm trying it on; being mindful of what I buy and continue to own to ensure they are things I need rather than want; carry my lunch and water with me to work; avoid coffee and tea and alcohol. There is a limit though; I'm a customer-facing professional and I'm expected to dress accordingly. A pair of cheap jeans and a t-shirt is austere, but it wouldn't do for work. I don't watch any television - except football and the odd movie. Watching football is not necessary - it would be something indeed if I ever broke that habit.

Some of my more yogic habits are as firmly entrenched however. I'm as likely to eat that dead racoon I passed on the way home Thurday night as I am to eat poached salmon (never mind roast beef). But this habit (vegetarianism) is not an austerity...it's just Yoga - specifically the ahimsa (non-violence) and aparigraha (taking of wholesome sattvic foods) aspects of Yama. Without it I think asanas are pointless - but that's just my opinion.

Back on austerity though, on the whole I agree with the notion that 'the things you own end up owning you' and I have an agenda - to own less and less as time goes by. I don't mean money because I need to save for myself and my family. What I do mean is the sheer mass of detritus that one accumulates...you know...the junk in boxes in the basement or garage; the tangle of AC adapters for phones and appliances long since made redundant lying in bottom drawers; books already read and not to be read again that continue to clutter the bookshelf. Time to get rid of it all.

The Bonus Room

2005-10-04T18:40:00.000-04:00

I practice in what we call the 'Bonus Room'. When we built our house, we had the option of adding a loft over our garage - we took it and the builders took to calling it the 'bonus room' as it was optional and an addition to the plans. The name stuck and five years later we still call it that. It's a good for summer practices since the garage traps heat and that rises to the room above and keeps it warm through the night (particularly as I close the air conditioning vents.

Last night I even spent the night in the Bonus Room. Since I'm working again, it doesn't make sense for me to sleep in our bedroom as the baby keeps getting up and I can't get a proper night's rest. Neera now manages her nocturnal wailing exclusively since she can rest through the day. So I got a full night's rest...starting at 9:30 pm. I had obviously needed to catch up on my sleep as I didn't wake up until 5:00 am. I got up and had a tremendously good practice (physically at least - mentally my mind was churning stuff from my first long and difficult day back at work). I sweated loads - It had been a hot day and night - In fact I believe a new record was set for 3rd Octobers - 27 degrees. Also I had already turned the airconditioning off for the season.

I'm going to try to get back into bed early tonight as I'm in the office tomorrow. Hopefully the practice will be as good as this morning's was.

I'll leave you with something I read this week that made me think immediately of my practice:

Success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself - Viktor Frankl

Austerity and Authenticity Revisited

2005-10-03T20:17:00.000-04:00

I re-read my post from yesterday and I'm embarrassed; in one paragraph I'm extolling the virtues of the 'austerity and authenticity' of the first North American Ashtangis and in the next I'm trying to explain why I need a two-acre country estate to build my own practice. Bollocks. It just proves my point that I'm still a 'work in progress'.

As for today, having gone to bed at 11 am last night I got up at 3 am and was unable to get back to sleep. So I shrugged, showered, had a bowl of bran flakes with soya milk and a banana, and then hit the road for the office...at 4:47 am. Too bad it was a moonday. I've always wondered how long it actually takes door to door, without traffic and without speeding - and today I found out that it takes 58 minutes. Since it was my first day back to work it was a long one - 12 hours. I finally left for home at 6 pm. Tomorrow I'll stay home. I'm in one of those grooves - I can't wait to get on that mat.

I've got severe Encinitas

2005-10-02T15:18:00.000-04:00

I explored Tim Miller's website last night and particularly enjoyed this brief piece about how Ashtanga essentially got started in North America. I was especially fascinated by the commitment of some of those early Encinitas yogis - their 'austerity and authenticity' as Miller puts it. I take a look at my practice (I'm mean the whole eight limbs) and realise that I'm a faint and unremarkable adherent in comparison. But I feel more inspired by their example than chastised. They provide the model.

I accept that there are things they did (as single guys, seemingly unattached and uncommitted to anything but Yoga) that I cannot do. For example, if I could sell our house and slap down cash for a townhome close to a studio. I could practice everyday with an authorised teacher. I would be able to negotiate terms at work that offered me less pay but the chance to get off to Mysore every year - money would be no issue without a mortgage to worry about. That's not going to happen though because I don't get to make these choices on my own. And even if I could, I don't know if I would. I like our estate - these two acres will be wonderful to practice on in the years ahead - such idyllic practices under that maple there, or in middle of that grove of cherry trees here. I dream of building a retreat in a couple of years. A cedar cabin far from the airconditioned house but winterized with a wood stove; this pastoral (relative) wilderness is so much more attuned to developing my practice than a townhouse in the city.

Anyway, speaking of the city, reading Miller made me think hard about finding a way to practice at a studio in the company of other yogis. The logistics are the tricky thing - There are 3 authorized teachers in Toronto (that I know of) and all of them are downtown - a long way from where I live and quite some distance from my company's office - but fortunately they are kind of on the way (although requiring me to loop south into downtown and then up north out on my eastward journey into the office). I think I'm going to do it. This month on the days when I go in, en route to the office I'll stop in for a practice. Here's where I'm thinking of practicing.

Happy Hour Again

2005-10-01T13:15:00.000-04:00

I was just listening to that old song by the Housemartins, Happy Hour Again. Do you remember the video - they had animated clay figures of the band playing the song. Now I'm listening to Burning Bridges by the Mike Curb Congregation. If you ever saw the Movie Kelly's Heroes, It's the song for the credits at end....man I downloaded some obscure stuff in those freewheeling Napster days of the late 90's.

Enough of that. I've had some kick-ass practices the last couple of days and I don't know what to attribute this to. I am so so close to getting Yoga Mudra - I thought I had it today but it only just evaded me (now Hotel California). Situations like this make you realise that you are actually progressing daily; you can tangibly discern it in milimetres of distance or the strength of the touch. Otherwise the progress is like the hour hand of a clock; indiscernable (though inexorable).

I particularly enjoyed (My Sweet Lord) my practice this morning. I almost didn't practice at all. With Diya getting up all night, we're getting up well past the optimal practice time. I got up at 9:30 and thought, it's too late, everybody's up and there's other stuff that I have planned to do. Then I decided I'd just do my Sun Salutations...of course, with nothing all that compelling on the agenda for the morning, I continued through the primary series all the way through. I felt great for having done it and felt as though I'd conquered that tamasic foe - Sloth (Peace Train - Cat Stevens).

Anyway, it's a beautiful sunny day here and I've got some compost to spread on the lawn, an office to tidy up, daughters to play with, and maybe if I get my ass truly in gear, a bike to fix.

What's in a Name?

2005-09-29T16:13:00.000-04:00

This is tangentially related to yoga so I thought I'd blog about it: Here's how we came up with Diya's name. Raashi is the use of hindu astrology to determine an 'auspicious' name for a new child - the idea being that a certain sound will resonate or be more agreeable with people based on when they were born (and here, don't ask me how a C-section or an induced birth changes this because I don't know); That date and time determines the first letter of the name.

We didn't use raashi for our first child as I was adamant on the name Dhara (roughly translatable from sanskrit as 'river's flow', 'waves' or 'current'). Still, we settled on Sonali (meaning: 'of gold') as her middle name based on raashi since my mother-in-law insisted.

This time we decided that we would use raashi (I've mellowed and I'm less of a skeptic regarding such matters - besides what difference does it make if you can still come up with a fine name?). Once Diya was born, we phoned our family 'guruji' with the exact time. He advised that the name should begin with 'D' or 'Ch'. We immediately settled on two potential names, both
beginning with 'D' - Drishti and Diya. Neera was keener on Diya and I liked both but slightly preferred Drishti (as a tribute to the practice that ever continues to make me). We 'tried out' the names with friends and family and a clear consensus preferred Diya. So we settled on that.

Interestingly, several have come back to us say that Drishti has grown on them and that they now prefer it - including my wife Neera! But I'm having none of it. The dye is cast and Diya's her name. To me she's luminiscent so it fits; her name is a hindi word for 'light' or 'lamp' - in particular the one that's lit for puja).

Back on the wagon

2005-09-27T19:09:00.000-04:00

Well, I've now practiced 4 days straight so I'm clearly back on the wagon. I'm wondering which asana I'm going to suss earlier - Garba Pindasana or Yoga Mudra - ooh I'm so close; Garba Pindasana I would probably have if I kept at it long enough; it's just a matter of getting those arms through. I can only manage to get them a third of the way up my forearm (maybe too much strength training's made my arms to big?) As for Yoga Mudra, with my left limbs bound I can just about brush the tips of my right toe with with my right hand.

I've been thinking more about making my Mysore pilgrimage; I think it'll happen within the next two years. I've been introspecting on why I haven't gone yet - I have the money and with planning time off won't be an issue (with my job I can take a sabbatical of up to 6 months). I think I just want to get my asanas up to a certain level of competency. But there are all kinds of details to figure out. For example, do Neera and the girls come with me? The other option that's recently occurred to me is that I could keep work remotely - after all, I work from home most of the time anyway. I'd need quality high-speed internet and telephony but that could be had I'm sure at the top hotels (which if I kept working, I'd have no problems affording).

As for taking my family, Neera is a massive non-practicer so unless she picks up the habit soon she'll probably find 3 months in Mysore a bore. She's has it on her agenda to begin Yoga some day; She knows she should - she's not a skeptic. She's sold on the practice...it's just a matter of getting her to commit the time. I'm probably going to have to push her a bit if that's going to happen. I figure now's a good time for her to pick it up - she's got a year off from work. Sure the baby will keep her busy, but surely she'll find 90 minutes. Then again if we both went, that's two salaries we need to manage without. I think what will end up happening is we'll travel through India for a month together and then I'll go on to Mysore while she comes home. We'll see.

When I do go, I've the perfect way to take my money over though. ICICI Bank has registered a charter to operate in Canada. So I can go to one of their several branches here in Toronto, open a rupee chequing account and dump Canadian dollars into it. Then I go to India armed my ATM Card and extract Indian rupees out of the same account using their 1500 machines/branches throughout India. No travellers cheques or money orders. I just need to carry a couple of hundred onto the plane with me. Pretty slick eh?

What else did I yesterday. Well, the fridge is fixed, so is the car. The carbon filter for the HEPA filter is ordered, so is the one for the range top fan. The ones for the RO Filter I installed last week. So I'm getting through my chores.

I was up all night. Diya sleeps right through the day and is up all night; I was taking her on walks through the house at 3 in the morning. We took her to the paediatrician today - she's gaining weight very quickly and looks wonderful.

I spent the rest of the day with my other daughter since it was a day off from Kindergarten for her. We went to the library, played in the yard, and then in the evening we made these makit&bakit necklaces. The stuff Dads do these days eh?

New girl home again

2005-09-25T22:07:00.000-04:00

I picked up Diya and Neera from the hospital today. Diya's gaining weight and no wonder - she knows how to eat; the girl's looking well. Even though I've been to the hospital everyday she suddenly looks so different from last Sunday when she was born. She's alert, looks around the room and occasionally fixes her eyes right at you while you're feeding her; I'm able to feed now as Neera's expressing. So she's getting more food at each sitting and consequently getting longer rests. She slept all afternoon.

Ever notice how you're body waits until you're free before getting sick? Like after a hectic 3 or 4 months at work, the project ends and you get a couple of days to catch your breath...except wham, all of a sudden you get the flu. It happens to me. Well, I'm not sick now but something similar's happening. I've taken a couple of weeks off and all of a sudden stuff's breaking down - the sink got's clogged yesterday, the fridge water dispenser stopped working (and backs up to drip into the basement) a day before that, today the car's brake sensors go on the blink and the ABS and Brake lights won't go off. Last week was nuts with baby stuff. This week's going to be as hectic with sorting all this out - and all the other chores I have lined up. I suppose it's better that it happens now than while I'm working.

On the main subject. I practiced this morning. That's two days in a row and I look to be getting back onto the wagon. My normal diet's back - I found myself snacking on a plum and pear this afternoon (instead of bagels, cheese and chips).

The New Normal

2005-09-24T00:51:00.000-04:00

The new normal in our household is a ruthless dictatorship run by a 6lb munchkin. It is an haphazard totalitarianism without schedules and it runs according to the whims of a little girl in a 'onesy'.

I did escape her clutches briefly for the Paul Weller concert yesterday - battling traffic and the lashing rain to get downtown. I got there 15 minutes before the doors opened and the Modfather wasn't due to play for another 1 1/2 hours. So at this general admission show (I don't know why my ticket said 'row 6 seat 20') I parked myself front and centre. I worried a little that the crowd looked thin and wondered again why this genius is not granted the respect he's due in North America. I needn't have worried because by the time Weller took the stage, the place was jam (pun intended) packed. His fan base, in Toronto at least, is solid.

He came on looking, well, a bit camp actually - he had these casual brown trousers and comfortable looking black loafers with rubber moulded soles. On top he wore this cream-coloured long-sleeved T and around his neck he'd tied a chiffon scarf. But he wore it all well.

The show was outstanding of course. We should all be so lucky as to do whatever it is that we do with so much passion and commitment after so many years. He looked as though he was thoroughly enjoying himself. It was a long set and the energy was intense throughout and the camaraderie between the musicians genuine. Above all the man's charisma was totally compelling.

I met some interesting folks. Among them a father (perhaps in his early 50s) originally from Boreham Wood in London (UK) and his son. The father recalled "I had him listen to a few tracks and he thought 'what's this Paul Weller crap'. Pretty soon he had the DVD nevermind all the CDs and he was well into it". The Dad was once an Arsenal supporter but had lost track of their progress when he came to Canada 28 years ago. Now he's a card-carrying citizen of what we in Toronto call 'The Leaf Nation'. They took pictures at the show and I gave them my email address so if they ever get around to sending me any, I'll be sure to post them on this blog.

Apart from that, Neera took our 'Great and Beloved Leader' to the pediatrician for a check-up. I had the show later so my Mother accompanied them in my stead while I took the opportunity to catch up on sleep. I did finally manage a practice earlier in the day; It was a tired affair with the vinyasas in particular out of form. But I wasn't as stiff as I'd expected to be (perhaps because it was late morning and I'd been up for some time). Kurmasana was a bit painful but Supta Kurmasana was deep; I'm closer than ever to clinching that mythically shelled napper.

Today, there was no practice. I got home late from the show and was up all night listening to Diya. Tonight I will sleep soundly though and hope to practice in the morning (although I just noticed it's past 2:00 am. Crap!); I took mother and child back to a hospital (this time one in Oakville since Milton's cute little place doesn't have the required facilities); Diya's bloodwork showed some jaundice and they're putting her under the lamp overnight. She's looks perfect to me and I guess it's precautionary - which I'm all in favour of. I should be picking them up tomorrow - hopefully after seeing Arsenal successfully take 3 points off West Ham. I better eat something and get some sleep.

Sleeping like a baby

2005-09-21T20:56:00.000-04:00

...which is to say, hardly at all. Whoever came up with that phrase has a keen sense of irony. I don't feel too tired though - I crawled out of our bedroom some time after two with my pillow and crashed out on the sofa. I'd had enough of staying up all night to provide moral support. Neera's the one who has to feed so what's the point of me staying up? It's not like I can lend a hand (or anything else) in the feeding department. So I got sleep instead. But no asanas because I was just way too tired. It's now five days without asanas; my longest break for a very long time. Let's see if I can get a practice in tomorrow morning.

Those 5 days have also seen a general decline in habits. I've even drank coffee. I had maple walnut ice cream for lunch. At the hospital I twice made dinners out of large bags of Mrs Vickies potato chips. I've also developed a penchant for egg muffins and hashbrowns (those frozen rectangular patty ones) for breakfast - a fried egg, cheddar, a couple of slices of Yves' veggie Canadian bacon in an english muffin, two of those hashbrowns with lashings of ketchup. I am light years away from sattva. I reckon it's all the running around - I'm snatching at whatever yields the highest quantity of calories in the smallest packet...and I'm always hungry.

Our other daughter has been fantastic. You wouldn't think that this child was saying goodbye to five years of exclusive attention getting. She has taken to her sister big style. I'm proud of her but not surprised; it's true to form - she always been been a model child and she's going to be a great example to the new kid.

Tomorrow I shall briefly escape domesticity - the Paul Weller concert. Becoming a Dad does put things into true perspective. If I hadn't brought home a daughter this week I'd be hyperbolic about tomorrow - calling it one of the pivotal days of my life or something like that...when really it probably is not. Still, Weller is one the outstanding cultural icons of my life and tomorrow's show will be right up there with seeing Arsenal at Highbury for (probably) the last time a year ago.

Well, this blog has been an indulgence for me tonight (but at least it's one without trans fats). Thank you all for the kind wishes.

There's nothing remotely like becoming a parent. It turns your world right side up.

Diya

2005-09-20T17:44:00.000-04:00

Diya (a hindi word for 'light') was born in Milton, Ontario, Canada on Sunday afternoon - a typically sunny early fall day in Ontario. That's why I haven't blogged in days (I haven't practiced my asanas since Friday either).

The water broke on Saturday morning. I came home with several hundred pounds of compost from the Waste Management Depot and asked my wife 'how you doin'?' as I walked into the house for breakfast. She told me. So I inhaled eggs, showered and shaved and then headed for the hospital. She spent the night there and I was there well into the night before coming home to sleep. The next morning I was there early; the contractions were on but not strong enough and it was now 24 hours since the water had broke so they added a little bit of oxytocin to the mix and that did the trick. She was born that afternoon - at 3:03 pm.

I don't know where the last two days have gone. They've been a blur; running to and from the hospital, walking around the corridors of the Obs section with the Diya to give her Mum a chance to rest (and to stop her crying - she enjoys being carried and taken for walks already - and starts wailing as soon as you put her down); making runs to Tim Horton's to pick up steeped tea and fresh fruit yogurts for the same. It's all great. I'm tired but I'm having a fine time.

Mum and baby are home now and I've taken two weeks off work for the new girl and her older sister (who has really taken to her new protege). Asanas are the last thing on my mind but I'll start practicing again tomorrow.

Pre-Moonday evening practice

2005-09-16T21:18:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I was up at 4:00 am for an early morning practice before heading to the office. I dropped my wife off downtown right at the front door of her office - if she insisted on going to work I certainly wasn't going to drop her off at the subway in her (8 1/2 months pregnant) state.

It was a short work day for me though because I was back in the city at noon, boarding a cruise ship at Queen's Quay for a 5 hour cruise of Lake Ontario. We sailed through the Toronto islands and took in the views of the beautiful and ever-changing city. We were lucky with the weather though; either side of Thursday has been wet and cold but Thursday itself was a stunning day - hot with clear skies but not muggy and smoggy - an Ontario late summer classic. The cruise was a treat from work (2nd Quarter was good and 3rd is shaping up to be just as good) so 475 of us managed to drag ourselves away from our desks for one afternoon and enjoyed the beautiful day as well as the company, and food and beverage laid out for us - In the hot sun I stuck to Montclair; the funny thing about Montclair is that I might as well drink from my own well - the water is bottled a few kilometres up the road from our house and it comes from the same aquifer. Our water at home is beautiful as a result; none of us can drink water away from home - we carry bottles of our own wherever we go.

When I got off the boat, I still had some time to kill as Neera was staying a bit late wrapping up her last day at work, so I had a slow pint at a waterfront cafe with a couple of colleagues before meeting up with her for the trek home.

I slept some 10 hours last night. The sun on the boat must have exhausted me and it had been a long day. I skipped practice in the morning and got straight to work. It was late and I had decided on an evening practice before the pending moonday. I had that practice a couple of hour ago. Typical evening practice - flexible and light.

You know that phrase 'One man's garbage is another man's treasure'? It applies to me when it comes to compost. Twice a year, in the Spring and the Fall, Halton Region do a compost giveaway at their Waste Management Facility and we bag several hundred pounds of the stuff for our yard. They get the compost from all the yard waste they pick up through the year and the maintenance of public green spaces and trees; so that's what I'm doing on my moonday morning - I'm bagging compost.

I have two composters at home and we process all our kitchen scraps and yard waste through it - and we get plenty of that from our vegetable patch. Even confidential documents - old credit card statements and the like; I shred them and add them to our compost. In warm months it's dirt in six weeks. We've never let organic waste leave our property - it all stays to supplement the land.

I'm a bit mad - I even bring my apple cores, banana peels and other stuff home from the office for our composter; and I've even thought about taking other peoples yard waste from their - especially leaves - and building a large enclosure at the back of our property to process it all. The stuff is gold. It's the perfect fertilizer - organic and perfectly balanced.

The Region's running a pilot 'green-box' program to pick up organic waste and I've got mixed feelings about it. On the one hand it's great to divert all this from the landfills but on the other hand, why can't people take care of it themselves? It shouldn't need taxpayers money. It's not like it costs anything - we got our composters for $15 each. And I save a bundle in wastes fees (we live in the sticks and I have to take my own garbage to the depot and pay to dump it) and the compost is great for our property. With their garbage as with so many other things people are lazy, stupid, thoughtless, inconsiderate and short-sighted.

Another late night

2005-09-14T09:29:00.000-04:00

Monday turned out to be a late night as well. I finally got a call from the hospital downtown and I drove down to see what was up. She had some pain on one side so they kept her for a several hours and did some ultrasounds to figure out what was up. They were inconclusive and we came home well past midnight. I was toast - so tired I went straight to bed without eating.

I crawled out of bed at 8:30 am with no chance of a practice before work; the day was busy. Neera stayed home because the pain, although it had subsided, was still there.

I did get back onto the mat today though and had a good practice; but I with stiffness from having missed practice yesterday (and maybe a bit of dehydration). Also, naturally, my mind was not entirely focused. I have taken most of the morning off to run Neera down to her gynecologist. We'll see where things stand but I don't think we have too long to wait now.

late night late morning

2005-09-12T18:01:00.000-04:00

I stayed up way late yesterday. We made Pizzas yesterday and I did well - keeping myself down to two slices, some coleslaw, and a single bottle of India Pale Ale (Alexander Keith's). Then I felt like staying up and watching a couple of movies after Neera went to bed. I laughed through Hitch and then watched something completely different - Million Dollar Baby. What a film.

I finally turned in around 1:30 am and woke up at 6:30 (naturally) feeling a bit tired. I wondered how I managed to wake up; it wasn't quite completely light outside and I was still tired...so why wasn't I asleep? I shook Neera awake as she had a train to catch and then I lay in trying t0 fall asleep. Finally I got up sevenish and got on with my practice; It was a fine one. I started reading Moola Bandha yesterday and so this morning I was making a special effort at engaging the bandhas. All week I've felt those asanas that I do have deepen and those that I don't bind or come close; this is morning was no exception. Yoga Mudra was even closer than yesterday to a full bind and this morning I came close to binding Mari C on the left (I've had the right side for ages).

I had to interrupt work to take my daughter for a 1 hour session at her Kindergarten. It doesn't make sense to me. I had to drop her off at 1:20 pm and picked her up at 2:20 pm - what's the point that? Supposedly it's about introducing children back into school slowly. I worked from home today and had no conference calls scheduled in the afternoon so it was no problem for me but what about people who have to go in to the office? Maybe we're the exception as a 2-career couple; Acton's a rural town and there must be a lot homemakers for parents not to raise a stink.

If you read this blog regularly you know I'm a fanatic about practicing daily. But one of these days very soon I'll miss a practice because I'll be in the hospital doing my best to look useful. We're in week 37 now so that means full terms and that means it could happen any day - and Neera's still working this week (it's her last). We did a tour of Milton Hospital yesterday but there's always the chance she'll be downtown when it happens. In fact, she called around 4 pm saying she was going down to a downtown hospital because she felt some pain on and off in the hips (kinda sound like contractions to me!) I wanted to jump into the car and drive downtown but I've been told to chill here until she calls back...it's 6:30 pm now and still no call. I'm not freaking out. I'm even calm enough to write this blog...see? But I am getting anxious.

I'm watching football

2005-09-10T11:15:00.000-04:00

No conflict this morning between the Arsenal game and practice - the game's not on television until 12:30. It must be tape-delayed so the challenge is to keep myself from checking out the score online - which is particularly hard once I'm watching the game, getting tense and you want to put yourself out of the misery by geting the final score.

I was exhausted yesterday. I was due in the office for a 3-hour audit of my project. After that draining meeting I left the office at 5:00 pm and got home at past 8:00 pm - 3 hours in traffic! There was a bad accident on the 401 which closed 2 lanes and caused a 15 km traffic pile-up. Fortunately Neera was off and dinner was on the table. After dinner though, I sat with Dhara for a while and then the two of us crashed some time after nine. I used to get really angry and frustrated about being stuck in traffic - I'm not so bad now; it's just another opportunity to practice equanimity and I try hard at it.

Having got to bed early, I woke up early. Really early in fact - some time after 3. I just lay in bed falling in and out of sleep and finally got up at 6:30 to practice. It was a fine practice made better by the sun breaking over the trees, through the window and onto me and my mat. My Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana was still there and better. I had another near breakthrough; this time in Yoga Mudra which I almost completely bound today - I'm surely just a couple of weeks away at most. I can bind one side or the other but today I came close to having both.

YESSS!!! I'm watching Manchester United play Manchester City. City just equalised. Brilliant!!! Now they need to survive 15 minutes. United are a title contender and them dropping points is good news for Arsenal. Good and bad in football is defined by how it impacts Arsenal. The City fans are singing their song: 'Blue Moon, I saw you standing alone...' and all the United fans have in response is meanspirited whistling to try drowning it out. I've tried to temper my hate for United understanding that hate is not a yogic emotion - and particularly in something so trival as sport...but it's so hard becuase they're such w*nkers.

Neera and my mum are going out by my daughter a new bed. I should go too but with the Arsenal game in 40 minutes, I'm not leaving the house.

ooohhh!!! City almost took all 3 points at the death with a fierce shot from Andy Cole forcing a fine save from Van Der Saar. And it ends 1-1. A poor game but the result's a good one for my beloved Arsenal.

Some hours later: Arsenal lost 2:1. Unlucky - they dominated the game and the ref denied them a sure penalty when the score was at 1:0 - it would have tied things up. Instead Middlesborough went right up the other end and scored another. Oh well. Yet another opportunity to practice that mental asana: Equanimity.

Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana came

2005-09-08T20:56:00.000-04:00

I managed a breakthrough this morning. I bound Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana for the first time. Again as with prevously mastered asanas, I'd tried this pose every day without succeeding - so why is it that I was suddenly able to bind it so easily this morning. It's a mystery sometimes, this asana business.

I practiced at 6:00 am this morning and it was pitch black outside where the rain was pounding down hard and the thunder was loud. It stayed that way a good way through the 90 minutes. I washed my rug yesterday so it felt nicely crisp and new and I had a pretty decent practice - heck the one moment of magic was enough to make it a good one and enough to lift my spirits inspite of the headache I'd woken up and which I still have now at 9:20 pm - I can feel where it starts; in my left shoulder as usual and winding itself up my neck and in behind my left eye.

The day had turned out to be a beautiful one by the afternoon - blue skies and sunshine and the grass seemed greener than ever. With my headache, I ended up not to going into the office. I had planned to leave around 9:30 and drove about 10 minutes before deciding I couldn't deal with the drive, especially with that traffic tie up down the road I'd just heard about on the radio. I turned right round and came home. I changed into jeans and a T-shirt, fired up the laptop, found my wireless signal and logged onto my VPN. I was busy and had little time to dwell on my headache.

I turned up my speakers to listen to the BBC commentary of the final match of the Ashes Series while I worked - England had started strongly but then that genius Shane Warne intervened taking his quota of wickets. Still England were 317 for 7 at stumps. Not a huge total but not terrible either. They can still win this thing. If you feel like having a chuckle, listen to this (you may need Real Player). It's an audio file I rediscovered a couple of days; basically it's a blooper - two famous cricket commentators being overcome with a giggle fit from a match between England and the West Indies some 15 years ago. They soldier on gamely through their summary nevertheless. It'll make you laugh even if you don't understand a thing about cricket.

Not having gone in, I had to run down to the station around 6:00 to pick up my wife. I didn't mind. It's a scenic country drive down the escarpment to Milton where the station is and the day had turned out nicely - this was the kind of drive I was up for and so I packed in my work for the day and headed out.

Tomorrow is my daughter's first day back at school (Senior Kindergarten) kinda; we're to accompany her for a 1/2 hour session with her teacher at 10:45 am and then bring her home. Then I've got to haul myself across to the otherside of Toronto for a 3-hour meeting that will take up the whole afternoon. Friday driving home sucks and I'll be alone since Neera has her check-up in the afternoon and is taking the whole day off. Maybe I'll stay in the office late. At least I won't have to get up at 4:00 am to practice.

A 4-day week?

2005-09-07T19:46:00.000-04:00

Yeah right. It's turning out to be 5 days of work done in 4. I've been lucky to keep it down to 10 hours each on Tuesday and today - and the great thing is that I've been home so I put my 10 hours in by 6:30 pm and there I am; with the rest of the evening free to enjoy without that 90- minute obstacle called the 401. Work's exhilarating though. We're are in our last week of development and predictably, the change requests are suddenly flying in. What happened to those ironclad business requirements nailed out in eight(!) iterations back in June? Why are we discovering new requirements now?

But this is what makes my job interesting - challenging every new requirement to ensure sure it's well-conceived; negotiating with the customer to work out what to accept into scope and what to defer; persuading, cajoling and urging on my architect and developers; and ultimately, keeping the whole wagon from moving falling off the rails (i.e. going over budget and coming in late); we're tracking 3 days late but that's because of all the changes...and I'm 40K under right now - but that can change quickly.

I used think I'd pack this in when I turn 55. We should be able to retire comfortably by then and by that time my practice would be reasonably competent and maybe I'd teach. Or maybe we'd just travel, stopping into India for months and a time to chill. It could still happen; 55 is far far away (20 years if you really care to know). But I don't know anymore. I like what I do, I'm well-paid, and it doesn't interfere with the growth of my practice - if anything it gives me ample opportunities to develop the other 7 limbs. It'll depend on how much 'runway' Big Blue gives me; if there are still new opportunities to have and things to learn then I'll keep at it. And as I've said before, who know? There's a good chance my job'll take me to Bangalore, Pune, Hyderabad, Gurgaon or Mumbai - our five hubs in India.

But I'm not in Bangalore now; I'm in Toronto which is fine. I've taken to my adopted homeland; I've never been much of a patriot (which comes hard for an English-born Canadian of Indian Descent and Kenyan-born parents who lived in Japan for four years); but I'm proud to be Canadian, and lately, I've felt genuinely relieved that we parked ourselves on this side of the 49th parallel when we left England. I have a real empathy and affection for the United States - it just isn't my country and I'm ok with that.

But back to Yoga: I came to the mat at 6:45 am knowing that I had an 8:30 am conference call so there was an urgency about my efforts and I was determined to focus - and it worked. My mind was better focused. So maybe that's the start; to be conscious of the need to concentrate at the very beginning - at Samasthiti to literally instruct the mind to be still. It still wandered here and there. Among other things there were thoughts of work, New Orleans, my blog, others Ashtanga blogs - and their authors (if you blog regularly on Ashtangi.net chances are I've read your blog frequently). For me though, Alan Little set the standard pretty high; his was the first that I found back in April. I was enthralled and I read his Mysore blog in one sitting. All I could think of for weeks afterwards was going to Mysore.

This afternoon I got out of my chair and did a near-textbook Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana. I'm some way off it in the mornings, but this afternoon I was able to bind easily; I wonder if I'll still have it tomorrow morning. Speaking of which, it's an early one as I'm going into the office. Neera (my wife) is hitching a ride with my brother who's making a call on patient downtown; he's a Chiropractor - which comes in handy (no pun intended) for me. That means, I can work from home and set out for my 11:00 am meeting after rush hour. This will be my new normal for commuting starting next week as Neera goes on maternity for a year (this being a new mother's entitlement in the welfare state we live in) and I can drive into and out of work when I want - I'll miss her company but the drive'll be way shorter. Anyway let's see if I keep that bind in Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana.

Modfather is coming...

2005-09-06T20:21:00.000-04:00

...to Toronto (by the way, that's pronounced 'Trona' if you're a native). How cool is that? The Modfather himself here on the 22nd September at Kool Haus (at The Guvernment)...and my ticket is in row 6.

Anyway that's still a couple of weeks away but still I'm psyched. It started when I was 10 and heard my first Jam song - A Town Called Malice. Then the beautiful Bitterest Pill when I was 12 - still perhaps my favourite song of all time more than two decades later. And he evolved just as I did. He was The Style Council when that's what I wanted to hear...and finally when I'd grown up he was plain Paul Weller carving out albums of pure genius like Wild Wood.

For whatever reason, I've never managed to see him live until now. I just kept missing him - I came close 15 years ago when he was in Japan (he's big there as all the really cool cats are) and I was living there. For the past couple of years I'd check his website regularly to see if he was coming anywhere close to Toronto; I was surprised when I checked late in July and saw that he was going to actually be in Toronto this month.

The only problem is the baby's due on 30th September. So I'm going alone...and maybe not even that if she's early. I'll probably even keep my phone on vibrate through the show and keep checking for messages!

So back to the present. The labour day weekend was fantastic. We had beautiful weather up here in Southern Ontario. My lethargy has waned slightly as the new moon begins to wax. Yesterday we took packed sandwiches, fruit and drinks and enjoyed a picnic at the Rockwood Conservation Area - here are some pictures some guy I don't know has put up. I took my daughter into the lake for a swim, we warmed up on the hot beach for a while, and then we hiked the trails. When we were done, we took the 10 minute drive home and we all napped (lots of that this weekend), and later we had grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches for supper...not to brag but while the wholewheat bread in our house is always homemade so are the tomatoes right now.

And how's the practice you ask? I practiced everyday except moonday. Since I started my daily practice in April I have never yet skipped a practice merely because I didn't feel like practicing. I've skipped when I've been sick, slept through my alarm, or when it was highly impractical. Even then I've probably only skipped maybe 10 time since April. But the last couple of days has been really hard. I've really had to push myself. I find it harder to motivate myself on weekends and holidays - we tend to sleep in a bit and then everyone gets up at the same time - around 8; and if I'm honest, I'd rather be having a leisurely breakfast with my family than be practicing.

These days I can't help but check myself out in the full length mirror that's leaning against one wall in the room I practice in; I've haven't looked this good in some time. I'm not kidding anybody - a big part of my motivation for practicing is for the way it makes me look and feel.

Still in a way, the practice is weaker than it was a year ago when I practiced only 3 or 4 times a week; it's not as spiritual because I'm hardly getting into the Gita or the Sutras. I've said it before - I need it and have to try to find the time for it. We all do if our practices are to flourish; one of the 8 limbs is Niyama. There are five Niyamas of which one is svadhyaya (study of the sacred scriptures), another is tapas (religious fervour) and a third is isvara pranidhana (surrender of the self to God). There it is in every edition of Patanjali you ever read. He tells you in black and white - read the scriptures and apply them through worship. Guruji will tell you a 1000 times. Study the scriptures; but instead we get caught up in our asanas - what we're binding and what we're not (and even worse what other people are binding and are not). Our practice if we are not careful is reduced to 90 minutes on a mat. That needs to change - at least for me. If I have a goal for my practice for the rest of this year then this is it; to bring God back into it big style.

Lethargy

2005-09-03T18:41:00.000-04:00

It is just as well that today was a Moonday as I have been as lethargic as a sloth the past two days. Or do I have this backwards - I'm supposed to be feeling lethargic through a new moon right? I wonder if this is self-fulfilling; am I lethargic precisely because I know that I am supposed to be lethargic right about now? If I had forgotten that it was Moonday, or if I was entirely oblivious to Moondays, would I in fact feel energetic instead?

Anyway, there's no denying that I'm experience a complete downturn in my energy levels since Friday. On Thursday night I went to bed (gleefully) at 9:00 pm! I felt I needed to catch up on sleep after a pretty exhausting week. I had planned to take Thursday off but the work had piled up and felt I needed to clear the backlog - particularly as I was heading into a 4-day weekend. So I went into the office and the traffic was brutal on the way home (4 trucks had an accident on the other side of the road and everybody on my side of the road felt that it was imperative that they slowdown and take in the mayhem). Well after getting into bed at 9:00 pm I got up Friday morning at 6:30 some 9 1/2 hours later. I had a pretty stiff practice. I spent the morning messing about and not doing anything in particular. I had a lunch of hot buckwheat noodles with Tahini sauce. After that I finally got around to showering. And then? Get this. I felt sleepy! After having slept some 9 1/2 hours the night before, I felt the need to follow lunch with a nap. So I napped. Later, feeling somewhat guilty, I did some lower-body strength training (and now I'm stiff from that today).

Today I had to force myself out of the house. Thankfully there was no practice this morning because I would've collapsed in a heap on the mat and fallen asleep. But we had to head to Square One; shopping for the new baby - onesies to bring her home in, a new car seat and such stuff. It was a real slog for me. I felt as though I was carrying 20lb weights around each of my stiff legs. When we got home I had to lie down. Pretty sad. This new moon is really hitting me hard.

Speaking of being hit hard. Can you believe the pictures from New Orleans? It is the total and utter breakdown of civil society right before our eyes and it is not a pretty sight. Good luck to them.

An easy week?!

2005-08-31T20:57:00.000-04:00

Well, that's what I had thought. Instead it's been a hugely demanding one at work - but fun. Yesterday was a 14 hour day at work - that was following a 4:00 am practice and the drive into the office. I finally got home at 11:30 pm and crashed and was up this morning at 5:30 as I needed to be into the office at 7:00 for what would turn out to be a 12 hour day. So no practice this morning. My practice on Tuesday was a relatively poor one; it felt rushed but more than that It felt 'heavy' - the lightness of my fasting practices seemed gone and I felt as though I was crashing through my vinyasas clumsily. Thankfully my new found binding was still there.

As I said, I couldn't practice today because of my work commitments - and for once I don't feel guilty about it. How can I feel guilty about not practicing when I've put in 26 hours of work in the last 48 hours?

But the work has been enjoyable and the long hours are largely due to a 'recognition event'. It started with cocktails and dinner at the York Downs Country Club - the special meal I had requested was outstanding. Today the event continued with a full day of executive training. It's massively gratifying to have been shortlisted for this - there were just 30 of us. You can spend a decade with a company and not accumulate the kind of facetime I have in the last 48 hours.

A couple of years ago I was treading water - getting paid but getting my kicks almost exclusively outside work. That's changed. I had to work hard to change my role and, having managed that transition, I enjoy the opportunities I'm getting now. More than that, I've found a passion for the business and for the company. And I'm not in it for the money anymore. I could quit and get a 20% pay hike tomorrow elsewhere - My executive told us as much today. So it's got to be about more than the money. You have to want to work for Big Blue because you believe you can make things better for our clients - and ultimately the ordinary people who are their customers. Clearly I'm no cynic. But I'm no wild-eyed idealist either. I've been in the business for almost a decade - that's enough time to have had the enthusiasm sucked out of you. And I have crap days at work - we all do (The only job I'd swap mine with belongs to Dennis Bergkamp and even he has crap days at work). But I know executives who've been with our company for 20 or 30 years and they still remain articulate and passionate evangelists for what we do; and I can feel myself morphing into one of them.

So I reckon I practiced Yoga today if not asanas; being passionate and commited to my work without too much regard for the rewards; working with honesty and integrity; treating my subordinates, colleagues and customers with the courtesy, respect and due regard they deserve. That is yoga more than any pose you or I will ever squeeze into. Like my Supta K, the results are not always pretty and not exactly what one would hope for...but with perserverence...it is surely coming and ever better. Most ashtangis would scoff at that; that's there business not mine.

Eating again

2005-08-29T20:30:00.000-04:00

I'm eating regular food now; I was back to eating what everybody else was having Saturday night and it's wonderful to savour the tastes. Having said that this afternoon I was craving the fresh fruit and salads that I enjoyed earlier in the week and so that's what I took for lunch - greens, cucumber, carrots, radish from the garden and a fresh apple from the bunch we picked up last week at Chudleigh's down the road. Tonight it'll be a bit more decadent as we're having the birthday cake we put off last week in a short while. (They've considered my new sensibility to eating right and it's actually a fresh fruit flan). Although I only lost a couple of pounds I look incredibly lean after the fast - yesterday I got into a 30 waist pair of shorts I hadn't worn in years.

It's nice to get back into my normal routine; for example I strength-trained again today. But I've been a reluctant yogi the last couple of days; I've really had to battle the urge to skip - maybe the new moon's coming in early for me. Today I got up at 6:00 am, but I lay in bed for half an hour before dragging myself to the mat. Once I start, I'm ok - I know I'll carry through...and I did. I've seen subtle but real progress this week. Very close to binding Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana for the first time, whereas I was miles away just a couple of months ago. I'm delighted with the changes that I've seen over the last 4 months that I've been practicing daily - they've come so fast.

I've got an easy week ahead of me. I'm in the office for one more day and then on education Wednesday. I've got Thursday off, Friday's a floater holiday (my company has these on long weekends to give us a 4-day weekend - nice eh?) and then Monday's Labour day - so that means a 5-day weakend!

Executive Leadership Forum - that's what the training's called this Wednesday. It's a chance to get away from the tactical day-to-day considerations of executing projects and spend some time talking about the firm, the business and strategy. It's starts with cocktails and dinner at a country club tomorrow night. I've gotten a lot of this lately; last February I was sent down to Durham for a week on a leadership course with colleagues from across North America. That's one great thing about working for a firm with global reach - the opportunity to meet and work with so many people from all over the place.

I use to have a bit of a hard time reconciling my practice with my career - you know, the notion that true yogis renounce the world to live in the forest living and live off berries between asanas. The Gita's cleared me up on that but more on that some other time. I've got an early morning tomororw as I'm in the office tomorrow (before heading of for that Country Club) and that of course means a 4:00 am practice...if I set my alarm correctly.